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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

The other in-law problem

By Nara Schoenberg




Does your spouse get mistreated by his own parents or siblings?


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) : Does your husband's family time include listening to his father tell him all the ways he doesn't quite measure up?

Did your wife spend December entertaining siblings who seem to have forgotten how to clear a plate, bring a salad or operate a dishwasher?

The hostile in-law gets most of the attention in pop culture, with films such as "Monster-in-Law" and "Meet the Fockers" highlighting the tensions that can arise when the relative-by-marriage fails to meet the expectations of a doting mom or dad.

Many of us may b less concerned with how our in-laws treated us, and more worried about how we did or did not respond when they criticized or misused our long-suffering spouses or partners.

"That is a little challenging — to say the least," says clinical psychotherapist Deanna Brann, author of "Reluctantly Related: Secrets to Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law" (Vision Run).

The good news is that there are approaches to handling the situation and you, the spouse of the family punching bag, can often make a difference, experts and observers say.

"Having a supportive spouse or partner helps a lot," says Fred Telegdy, founder of the blog "I Hate My In-Laws!" (ihatemyinlaws.com). "You can say: 'You know, we don't have to go to your family's house. We can go on vacation. We can go to Hawaii. We can have a lot of fun and do our own thing.'"


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If you want to help your spouse deal with the problem, start by asking questions, Brann says. Does the situation even bother your mate? If so, what could you do to help him deal with it?

"The beauty of talking to your partner is your partner now feels like they have an ally — all those years they might have felt they were alone," Brann says, "so just feeling that someone really hears you and gets it and understands your pain can sometimes give you enough confidence to take a step."

If your spouse doesn't see a solution to, say, a parent's constant criticism and wants your help, you can suggest setting some firm boundaries. A sample script for your spouse might read, "You know, Dad, I don't want to hear it anymore, so the next time you put me down, I'm going to leave the room." The idea, Brann says, is to say this in a clear, loving and noncombative way, and to follow through. Don't discuss the issue, she says. Don't argue.

"Don't try to get them to understand; they never will. So change your behavior," she says.

A certain kind of dad will figure out pretty quickly that, if he wants to spend time with his son, he has to change a certain behavior. He may think this is ridiculous, but he'll get with the program.

With family freeloaders, Brann suggests a similar no-nonsense approach. If your spouse wants to act, agree that he, or both of you, will make specific, time-sensitive requests for help from unhelpful houseguests: "Mom, I need you to watch the kids while I'm in the shower." Be nice and nonchalant, Brann says, but don't offer wiggle room.

If your spouse doesn't want to act, you probably shouldn't go it alone, Brann says. Odds are, you'll make the situation worse.

"The family has no vested interest in you, per se," she says. "It's harder for families to stay angry at family members — and it's easier for them to hold grudges against nonfamily members. That's typically what will happen."

Susan Forward, therapist and author of the best-seller "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life" (Bantam), says that if the situation is unacceptable and your partner isn't willing to take action, you do have an option — albeit one that isn't likely to be particularly good for your marriage: You can tell your partner he's on his own.

"You can say, 'You deal with them whatever way you want to, but don't involve me,'" Forward says. "'If you need to see them, I'm not going with you and I'm not going to have them here because they make me miserable.'"

Brann suggests debriefing a spouse who doesn't want to take action: "Help me understand how you are able to not let this get to you?"

Maybe the offender is ill or unstable and not fully in control of his or her actions.

Brann also recommends deploying a sense of humor where appropriate and seeing the offender in a broader context: Odds are he's not just singling out his blood relative. He's critical of everyone, or he treats everyone like a servant.

"It's not personal," Brann says — that's just the type of person the offender is. "It really speaks about them — not your spouse."

MISERY LOVES COMPANY
Feeling alone with your holiday in-law troubles? You're not, says Fred Telegdy, founder of the blog ihatemyinlaws.com.

The holidays are prime time for his website, which tends to feature the more outrageous in-law behavior: the mother-in-law who tried to sabotage her son's marriage by setting him up with his ex-girlfriend; the parents who stole their daughter-in-law's horses, sold them and kept the profits.

"There's no doubt that the holidays (sent web traffic) completely through the roof. It is palpable," says Telegdy, who figures he got 1,200 to 1,600 unique visitors a day over the major holidays, compared with about half that on an average day. Story submissions jump from about five to as many as 50.

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