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December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb. 1, 2013/ 21 Shevat, 5773

Child raised well is notable achievement

By Marybeth Hicks





http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Last week at a speaking engagement in Illinois, I asked my audience of parents to tell me about their kids.

Not just "tell" me about them, but brag. I gave them permission to boast. Pull out the smartphone, if they wanted, to show off the photos.

I had to cajole them into doing it.

Hard to believe, right? We're a society that practically rents billboards to broadcast our children's accomplishments. Our Christmas cards sing the praises of our friend's children (rather than oh, say, the Baby Jesus). Heck, in the suburbs, "student of the month" bumper stickers cover cars like Turtle Wax.

But this group was at least polite and knew that bragging is still considered declasse, if not downright rude. But without their boasts, my point would be lost.

At last, one mom obliged with a proud but general statement that her son is a terrific lacrosse player.

Game on.

A dad mentioned his daughter's good grades. Another parent was pleased to describe what a good job her daughter had done reading aloud in church.

When the floodgates finally opened, a mom got into the spirit of the thing and offered up details about her son's academic prowess and his elite sports team and, not to show favoritism, also mentioned that her daughter has had all A's for three semesters.

Beaming ensued. Then it was my turn.

I talked about how much I admire my eldest daughter's moral compass. She's as ethical a young woman as I have ever met. Daughter No. 2 is remarkably empathetic; she senses what's up with others and always seems to respond appropriately — and wisely. My son is the hardest working person I've ever met, bar none. He's fearless in the face of difficult things, and never lets failure get the best of him. My youngest is a girl of integrity, no matter how badly the truth might impede her social plans.

The reason I offered my audience "bragging rights" and allowed myself to crow a bit about my kids? To demonstrate that we've become habituated to the achievement culture and to teach, if only by example, that we shouldn't define our children by their successes, but by their virtue.

Perhaps the best book on parenting in this way is not actually a parenting book at all, but is Paul Tough's sociological study of children's character. In "How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character," Mr. Tough reveals that American children — even those mired in poverty and without the advantages of suburban "helicopter parents" — are able to achieve ultimate success not because of what they have or how they do things, but because of who they are.

To the extent that nurture plays a role, parents who jump into every situation to smooth the path for their children, or assure they never experience failure, or seek "fairness" in every situation (however that's defined) in fact do their children a disservice, because kids must learn resourcefulness, resiliency and perseverance through firsthand experience.

You can't just tell a kid what it would be like to dig deeper when things get difficult. You have to let him do the digging. You have to let it be difficult.

For years, I've counted myself among a few writers who trumpet the old school notion that our job as parents is to make ourselves unnecessary. Michele Borba, Loraine Skenazy, Lori Borgman, Betsy Hart and others have echoed my plea to parents to focus their attention on the condition of their children's hearts, not on test scores and travel teams and audition-only ensembles and gifted-and-talented programs that might result in "greater opportunities" down the road.

The road is actually pretty short, and it's fraught with pitfalls for a person whose conscience and character were left flapping in the breeze while driving to the math tutor.

And at last, Mr. Tough's book confirms what we writer-moms keep saying in column after column, blog after blog: It's who we are that defines what we do with our lives.

Our kids deserve to learn this — the hard way — which is the only way there is.

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JWR contributor Marybeth Hicks, a wife of more than 20 years and mother of four children, lives in the Midwest. She uses her column to share her perspective on issues and experiences that shape families nationwide. To comment, please click here.


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© 2009, Marybeth Hicks