Jewish World Review Feb 13, 2012/ 20 Shevat, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The San Francisco Giants announced nights this year honoring Chinese, Mexican, Japanese, Irish and Filipino heritage. The ballpark will be jammed each night with one ethnic group in attendance. It is so segregated that the local Democrats will be wearing throwback jerseys.
The Chicago Auto Show got underway Thursday with Ford's new Mustang Shelby showing off its six hundred and fifty horsepower engine. In only one way is the car environmentally correct. The Shelby doesn't run on gas, it runs on ground-up Chevy Volts.
Pennsylvania's Shippensburg College is selling morning-after birth control pills from a vending machine. The machine offers morning-after pills, condoms, cold medicine and candy. With a pull of the lever you can make love, make meth or lure a minor into your car.
President Obama reversed himself Tuesday to allow his supporters to form a Super PAC. These PACs have no limits on personal or corporate donations. The president is prepared to spend a billion dollars to stop big money's corrupting effect on Washington.
Madonna's fans in Israel urged Bibi Netanyahu not to start a war with Iran until after Madonna's concert in May. Israel should take advantage of this. If they time the attack to coincide with Madonna's final number, they can tell the U.N. it was just a fireworks accident.
Congress got an all-time low approval rating of ten percent in Thursday's Gallup poll. The gridlock has everybody in America angry. Democrats are mad because Republicans refuse to raise taxes and Republicans are mad because Democrats refuse to move to Cuba.
President Obama announced a twenty-five billion dollar fine on banks Thursday. He said banks duped people into home loans they can't afford. The chairman of JP Morgan Chase put on fishnet stockings and lipstick and lured the poor into remodeling their kitchen.
Senator Marco Rubio blasted ObamaCare for forcing Catholic institutions to provide free birth control. He said Obama should have listened to Joe Biden's warning against the mandate. You're not officially off the rails until Joe Biden is the wise counselor in the room.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton