Jewish World Review Feb. 17, 2011 / 13 Adar I, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt announced plans to form a political party once democracy is established. Just imagine the debates in that party caucus. One faction of the Muslim Brotherhood calls for the destruction of Israel, and that's the pacifist wing.
Egyptian officials refused to say where Hosni Mubarak has fled Tuesday but they did admit that he's emotionally upset that the people turned on him. He's better off without Egypt. Only a nation of cheapskates would dump you the weekend before Valentine's Day.
General Richard Mills said Monday that coalition forces have defeated the Taliban in the vital Helmond Province. It's the center of Afghanistan's opium industry. This is the point in the story where a Republican assures taxpayers that the opium will pay for the war.
Hillary Clinton gave bloggers twenty-five million dollars to get around Iran's social network block and encourage freedom. She wants Twitter feeds in Farsi. Hillary's a big fan of Twitter ever since a little birdie told her that Obama doesn't have a birth certificate.
Michelle Obama lobbied the IRS to force business owners to accommodate nursing mothers for breast-feeding in the workplace. It's good for America. Nothing lets China know that we're coming after their business like getting infants acclimated to a workplace.
President Obama defended his budget at a press conference on Tuesday. Democrats say the cuts went too far. Obama called the trillion dollars in cuts the most painful cuts he ever made, if you don't count the circumcision just before his first presidential physical.
President Obama demanded that Pakistan release a U.S. diplomat who's being held in prison even though he has diplomatic immunity from arrest. The crisis gives Obama a flush. According to Hoyle, you must have a recession, inflation, a cocaine epidemic, the overthrow of an ally in the Middle East and a hostage crisis in order to achieve Carterhood.
House Republicans sent a note to President Obama offering to negotiate huge cuts in entitlement programs to reduce the deficit. Americans have never given up one entitlement. If King George III had tossed a hundred earldoms across the pond, Christina Aguilera would be blowing the lyrics to God Save the Queen before the Super Bowl today.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton