Jewish World Review Feb. 10, 2011 / 6 Adar I, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The White House published its Super Bowl party menu Tuesday offering food from Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. They had bratwurst, kielbasa, potatoes and pizza. What Americans love about Michelle Obama is that her Healthy Food Initiative starts tomorrow.
Michelle Obama revealed Tuesday that her husband has made it one year without smoking a cigarette. The withdrawal is brutal. Charlie Sheen lets everyone think he has a problem with alcohol, cocaine and women just to keep them from noticing that he smokes.
The White House gave a South Dakota grade school a million bucks to teach Arabic to kids. The DOE called Arabic a language of the future. Parents are so alarmed at the prospect of islamification that they just put up a sign at the city limits reading Mexican Drug Gangs Welcome.
Andrea Mitchell accused Republicans on Sunday of using Ronald Reagan's legacy for political gain. Democrats benefit from Jack Kennedy's legacy as well. Whenever a Democrat has a missile crisis, voters just laugh it off as the seven-year itch and re-elect him.
President Obama evoked JFK in a speech to the Chamber of Commerce Monday. Last week he was Ronald Reagan and this week he's Jack Kennedy. How much respect can Black History month generate when President Obama observes it by pretending he's Irish?
The Super Bowl was the second most-watched TV show in U.S. history Sunday. The most watched show was CNN's coverage of the bombing of Baghdad on the opening night of the Persian Gulf War. Anglo-Saxons don't like to admit we were originally Germanic tribes, but the ratings don't lie.
Chevrolet offered a new feature letting motorists update their Facebook status while driving. There's a reason so many Californians are Hindus. If you need to steer the car, text, talk on the phone, sip your coffee, update your FB status, change the radio station, shoot the guy who cut you off and wave at the tour bus, you require a god with nine arms.
Mattel launched a Barbie doll billboard campaign in which Ken begs Barbie to take him back. He had an epiphany. It occurred to Ken while he was being punched by rioters while covering Cairo last week that if he was married, it might get his mother off his back.
George W. Bush canceled a gig in Geneva Saturday after a Euro group vowed to indict him for torture if he came. The torture label stuck to him. People now pay top dollar to sit in bondage clubs where the emcee shouts at them that Bush was right about democracy in the Middle East.
The Energy Department revealed plans Monday to install enormous wind farms off the East Coast. The whirring propellers will decapitate hundreds of birds a day that'll wash up on shore. Democrats have fifteen years to figure out how to blame it on an oil company.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton