Jewish World Review Feb. 9, 2011 / 5 Adar I, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | WikiLeaks revealed Sunday that President Obama handed British nuclear secrets to Russia to get the START Treaty done. To placate our nation's enemy, he sold out our nation's mother. It's what the nation would go through once a week if it had a Hollywood agent.
President Obama spoke to a Chamber of Commerce convention Monday that clapped only twice in thirty-five minutes. He refused to take his speechwriters' advice. They told him that the only way to win over a business crowd is to open with an Obama joke.
Lindsay Lohan's lawyer was told Monday she may face charges for allegedly stealing a necklace from a Los Angeles jewelry store. She's already on drug probation and under investigation for assault. Her lawyer is urging her to plead prison overcrowding.
Britain's Wild Animal Park's new gorilla just taught itself to walk upright on its hind legs. It's on film. However it's widely suspected that for the second time in his career, Arnold Schwarzenegger is starting at the bottom and working his way up.
President Obama said Sunday he will listen to GOP ideas to improve health care reform. He desperately wants consensus. Yesterday President Obama said he's willing to meet the Republicans halfway on the issue of his birthplace and agree he was born in Casablanca.
Hosni Mubarak's wealth was calculated by forensic accountants Monday at forty billion dollars. Half of it is in cash and half of it is tied up in Los Angeles real estate. That's why he has to call the bank three times a day to check his balance.
Los Angeles issued a health advisory Monday teaching kids how to safely use Ecstasy when they attend Coliseum rave parties which make big bucks for the city. It's a new low in the War on Drugs. Try to imagine Nancy Reagan teaching kids thirty years ago to Just Stay Hydrated.
NFL owners dangled a labor settlement offer to the NFL players union Saturday in Dallas. It offers the players the money they want in exchange for playing eighteen games a season. When the Chilean miners emerged after being trapped underground for two months, NFL owners were the only ones who noticed they didn't come up with any copper.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton