Jewish World Review Feb. 8, 2011 / 4 Adar I, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Egypt's government dispatched the army and police on Thursday to try to reduce the size of the protest crowds in Cairo. It's all so completely unnecessary. If you want the people to stay in their homes and do nothing all you have to do is turn the Internet back on.
Egypt's president Hosni Mubarak dug in his heels Thursday and remained in power, defying the mobs, defying world opinion, and defying the U.S. government. What does he have to lose? The most fearless man at the Alamo would have been the eighty-two-year-old.
Hosni Mubarak faced protests from the Muslim Brotherhood and clerics demanding his overthrow Friday. Americans don't know whether to root for an old dictator or the radical republic. It's the same way most people feel when they watch USC play Cal Berkeley.
Homeland Security announced Friday that TSA airport security officers will be allowed to unionize. Unionizing will greatly aid security. Airline passengers will never be completely safe until we're groped by a TSA screener with doughnut icing on his hands.
The White House was cited for contempt by a federal judge in Louisiana on Tuesday for ignoring an order to allow drilling to resume in the Gulf of Mexico. The oil companies feed a lot of Southern families. Last summer BP put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders.
The White House refused to jettison health care reform Friday after a federal judge in Florida threw it out as unconstitutional last week. There's an easy and simple way to explain ObamaCare. Democrats think it's a pill and Republicans think it's a suppository.
President Obama chewed out the Intelligence Director Friday for not forecasting the violent upheaval and chaos in Egypt last week. It's the president's own fault. He's the one who asked for a daily briefing on what Sarah Palin writes about him in Facebook every day.
Iran's Ayatollah Ali Khameni encouraged Egyptians Friday to overthrow America's puppet ruler and bring about an Islamic revolution. Concerns over oil supplies shot up the price of gas in the United States, adding to our inflation and drug epidemic. If Hollywood ever decides to do a remake of Groundhog Day it should star Dan Ackroyd as Jimmy Carter.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton