Jewish World Review Feb. 3, 2011 / 29 Shevat, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Hosni Mubarak agreed to step down Tuesday, a week after he shut Egypt off from the Internet. That really backfired on him. The fastest way to get one million men out of their houses and onto the streets is to prevent them from downloading porn.
Hosni Mubarak agreed to exit as Egypt's president in September after new elections are held. During thirty-two years in office, he's survived six assassination attempts by gunmen during his speeches. The point is, if he likes a joke, he's not afraid to open with it.
Hillary Clinton urged Egypt's street protesters to remain calm Monday and she told the Egyptian Army to use restraint. Rioting and burning and looting followed. Nothing calms down a million observant Muslims like a Methodist woman telling them what to do.
The White House evacuated U.S. diplomats and staff from Cairo Monday, flying them to Crete. There was mush confusion. When the State Department ordered all non-essential U.S. personnel to evacuate the capital city, Joe Biden hopped on the next train to Scranton.
Jordan's King Hussein changed governments Tuesday as young people in the Arab world continued organizing protests on social network sites. The ruling order is threatened by the web. The Grand Mullah just ordered all women in Saudi Arabia to cover their Facebooks.
The Border Patrol stepped up efforts to catch drug smugglers operating produce trucks in California. Last week they found twelve hundred pounds of cocaine in a broccoli truck. Young people still won't eat broccoli but they've never thought longer about it.
Taco Bell was sued Thursday for allegedly not meeting the minimum requirements of acceptable ground beef in their tacos. It doesn't seem fair to single out Mexican fast food ground beef. It's just doing the job that American ground beef refuses to do.
Democrats announced plans Tuesday to hold their next convention in Charlotte, choosing it over safe Democratic cities up north. Genius move. Democrats have been watching the news all week, and they think they can rally the base to rescue Obama if they convene in a city that'll have one million men outside on the streets demanding that the president resign.
Farmers Insurance agreed to pay seven hundred million dollars for naming rights to the proposed NFL stadium in Los Angeles Tuesday. It'd be named Farmers Field. They think they can solve Los Angeles's budget problems by having the government pay us not to play football.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton