Jewish World Review Feb. 12, 2010 / 28 Shevat 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Weather Channel forecast another foot of snow in Washington D.C. Monday. The storm last week left three feet on the ground. It's so cold in Washington that White House officials are suffering from a new ailment called middle finger frostbite.
Los Angeles ordered hillside homeowners to evacuate Tuesday as another wave of rainstorms approached. Disaster looms. All week the U.S. Olympic ski team has been in Los Angeles practicing for the downhill by standing on tract houses in the canyons.
The Winter Olympics begins Friday with the opening ceremony in Vancouver. Favorite sports include ski jumping, Alpine skiing, skiing and shooting, and skating. The Winter Games are held every four years to determine which nation has the best Germans.
Toyota recalled four hundred thousand Priuses Tuesday plus thousands of Lexus hybrids. It's suspicious. President Obama must have known about the sticky accelerators and faulty brakes when he said the clean energy revolution's unstoppable.
New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton said Tuesday he slept with the Super Bowl Championship trophy in his hotel bed Sunday. He was deliriously happy. Three times during the night the ghost of Vince Lombardi had to tell him to watch his hands.
USC Coach Lane Kiffin got a verbal pledge Friday from a seventh-grader in Delaware to play for USC in five years. He's only thirteen. It's not clear why the Idaho Baptists are jailed in Haiti and Lane Kiffin's free to walk the streets of Los Angeles.
Baby Boomers were reported Wednesday to be abusing prescription drugs in record numbers, threatening to increase health care costs. It is a statistical anomaly. Last year's numbers were skewed by Michael Jackson's autopsy.
The University of California Davis released a new medical study Monday showing that beer builds strong bones and helps to fight osteoporosis. At last they've figured out the way to get health care reform passed. It's going to be a beer subsidy.
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs blamed President Obama's low poll numbers on the Bush years Tuesday. They blame Iraq on George H.W. Bush, they blame the economy on George W. Bush. Yesterday the president cut his finger and they blamed it on Rose Bush.
The U.S. Senate grilled Homeland Security officials Tuesday on the Christmas Day airline bomber's FBI interrogation. The terrorist talked for fifty minutes, then they Mirandized him, then he clammed up and now he's talking again. Nobody's buying the Justice Department's original position that what happens in Detroit, stays in Detroit.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton