Jewish World Review Feb. 10, 2010 / 26 Shevat 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Super Bowl beat the ratings of the last episode of M*A*S*H Sunday. It was second to opening night of the Persian Gulf War. The Super Bowl ranks in the history of entertainment just ahead of treating the wounded and just behind bombing the evildoers.
Los Angeles mudslides threatened houses Monday after thirty inches of rainfall in two months. We're going tropical. We're ten inches away from coca bush growing putting an end to marijuana growing just as surely as the Seventies ended the Sixties.
Social Security announced Monday it's losing money because people are retiring earlier. It's shameful. If Betty White can get out in the mud and do a Super Bowl commercial at the age of ninety, there's no excuse for anyone to retire at sixty-five.
John Edwards was cited Monday as a reason why the Ten Commandments can't be put in courthouses. You can't post a notice not to steal, lie or commit adultery in a building filled with lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
Forbes said Tiger Woods will make eighty million dollars this year with Electronic Arts and Gillette and Nike. He's perfect for them. No one doubts that he needs running shoes, he knows something about close shaves, and EA's Tiger game is now for adults only.
Kim Jong Il granted the release of two American hikers who wandered into North Korea. He announced it at his birthday parade. The population of North Korea is eighty million--forty million North Koreans and forty million pictures of Kim Jong Il.
Toyota's chairman apologized on camera for the bad Prius brakes Thursday while giving a forty-degree bow. In Japanese culture, a ten-degree bow is an apology for a small slight, a forty-degree bow is an apology for brakes that don't work, and a ninety-degree bow means that Barack Obama is in town meeting with the emperor again.
President Obama praised a U.S. Navy corpsman in Haiti Thursday but he repeatedly mispronounced the word corpsman. Instead of pronouncing it core-man he kept saying corpse-man. He did get a nice note from Larry King, who thanked him for the free plug.
President Obama said Monday he'll visit Indonesia next month. Their president faces daily protests from demonstrators who call him a big stupid water buffalo. President Obama wants some tips about how he can get his own popularity up that high.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton