Jewish World Review Feb. 4, 2010 / 20 Shevat 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Michael Vick Project aired on BET Tuesday, covering his career from his all-pro days to the dogfighting that cost him prison time and the richest contract in NFL history. His skills are prodigious. Two years ago Michael Vick was the only guy in America who lost a hundred million dollars without the help of a money manager.
The Los Angeles City Council agreed Tuesday to allow seventy medical marijuana stores in the city. It's big business. The Pot Party is so powerful in the Golden State that once a year the governor gives a speech to a joint session of Californians.
President Obama was pictured Monday bowing to the mayor of Tampa. He's bowed to the Chinese premier, Japan's emperor, the Saudi king and Tampa's mayor. Actually, he's not bowing, he's just faking back trouble to make people think he's another Jack Kennedy.
British spies revealed Monday that al-Qaeda plans to place bombs in plastic bags in airline passenger's rectums or inside women's breasts. We'll never find them. TSA screeners don't make near enough money to take that many people to dinner and a movie.
Al-Qaeda was reported Sunday to have bought a huge supply of Botox as a weapon of mass destruction. It's a clever plot. They think if they can make all Americans look ten years younger we'll all die of sexually-transmitted diseases within one year.
The White House started backing away from holding al-Qaeda trials in Manhattan Monday. The locals are absolutely exasperated. Barack Obama could be the first Democrat to lose New York City since George Washington retreated from British troops.
The White House budget released Monday cancels NASA's moon missions and turns NASA into a monitoring agency for climate change. That's absolutely nuts. If we aren't able to go to the moon or to Mars, we'll have no place to hide from our Chinese creditors.
U.S. Congressman Dr. Ron Paul voted against a resolution for U.S. aid to Haiti. The ob/gyn is nicknamed Dr. No due to his habit of opposing everything. Nobody knows better than a gynecologist the trouble that can be saved by saying no at the right time.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton