It took an elbow to my head at 3 a.m. to realize we must be the last couple in the country still sleeping in a double bed.
While the rest of the world has gone royal king and queen -- we remain peasants crowding for personal space in a humble double.
A double bed is so last century that even hotel clerks dismiss it with a sigh. "Well, we're full tonight (sigh), but we do have a room (sigh) with one double (sigh)."
Every so often we visit the idea of crowning ourselves and moving up to a queen, but the bed we have now is an antique four-poster bed that makes up for in character what it lacks in comfort.
A month ago we again had the bigger bed discussion on the heels of a swift kick I sustained in the left shin sometime between midnight and 1 a.m.
"You kicked me last night and I'm not happy about it," I snapped.
"I wondered if I did," the husband said calmly. "I was dreaming I was at a party and the floor began to tilt. I was kicking a door open to escape and drag you out. I don't know why you're mad."
"You kicked me in the night and I should be thanking you?"
"I wouldn't have kicked you if I wasn't trying to save you. What did you want me to do, leave you?"
He's got me there.
The husband isn't the only one who tends to be an active sleeper. I have been known to bolt upright in my sleep and order dinner. If we had one of those spacious royalty beds, we'd be so far apart he wouldn't know if I was ordering Italian or Chinese.
We've stayed in the monster big beds at nice hotels. The beds are beyond queen and king, they are more like monarch able to sleep three generations of the royalty, plus pets, kitchen staff, mistresses and chauffeurs.
Recently, staring down a monarch-size bed in a fancy hotel, the husband jokingly says, "Maybe we should take our cell phones to bed with us in case one of us gets lost in the night."
"I'm way ahead of you," I say. "I brought in flares from the emergency kit in the car and the GPS. If you hear me but can't see me, look for the orange cone shooting sparks."
Some claim that your most comfortable sleep might really be in a twin because it is 39 inches wide. A double is 54 inches wide, but with two occupants you have only 27 inches per sleeper. A queen-size bed grants you another 3 inches of space per person. Only a king-size bed rivals the per sleeper space you get in a twin, but who wants to wrestle sheets on a bed the size of Montana?
On the old sitcoms, married couples always slept in twin beds. They say it was for the sake of propriety, but I think Lucy and Ricky had done the math and were simply intent on getting a good night's sleep without being jabbed in the head.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.