Jewish World Review Feb. 25, 2009 / 1 Adar 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Washington state adopted doctor-assisted suicide into law Monday. It's tightly regulated. They look at your insurance policy and they look at your brokerage statement and then they offer you the option that gets you out of trouble the fastest.
Arnold Schwarzenegger agreed to act in Sylvester Stallone's new movie. They've both had huge success in the movie business. The difference between movies and baseball is, in movies you can quit doing steroids after only three hits and still get a big contract.
New Yorkers were furious Monday after a local jury awarded two million dollars to a drunk who fell in front of a subway train. He turned a three-dollar bottle of wine into two million dollars. Democrats who have given up on Barack Obama have a new Jesus.
Israel announced Monday that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will visit the Palestinian suburbs and Israel next week. She's going to lecture the Israelis and the Palestinians on how to live side by side, even though they hate each other. No one's better qualified.
Mexico's political stability came under question on Tuesday due to anarchy and drug wars. It's not likely to attract an al-Qaeda presence. If their idea of heaven is seventy-two virgins, they are not going to like Cabo San Lucas during spring break.
House Democrats introduced a spending bill Monday that loosens travel restrictions to Cuba. At this point you have to figure, why not? If the United States were any more socialist, the Castro brothers would allow us to base missiles on the island.
The White House hinted Monday that the federal government might purchase forty percent of Citigroup and maybe Bank of America too. Wall Street is in a complete meltdown. When President Bush promised we would defeat al-Qaeda eight years ago, no one thought it was a competition to see who could knock down more real estate, us or them.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2009, Argus Hamilton