Jewish World Review Feb. 6, 2009 / 12 Shevat 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Arizona Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt said he was stunned when he got a Super Bowl post-game call on his cellphone from President Obama. He said nobody has his cellphone number. It's a creepy way of finding out you're on the terrorist watch list.
President Obama signed a law Wednesday that offers government health insurance to four million more poor children. It's much needed. Thanks to all the unregulated Los Angeles fertility clinics, California now grows more poor children than oranges.
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said Tuesday he believes the world economy is in a depression. It won't be anything like the last depression. In downtown Los Angeles there are two separate bread lines, one for whole wheat and one for croissants.
President Obama admitted Tuesday he screwed up screening cabinet nominees. He didn't examine their tax returns closely enough. He thought he'd ordered them to be picked up during the Inaugural Parade and shipped away to farms for use as fertilizer.
The White House capped salaries for bankers who took the bailout money at five hundred thousand a year. Wall Street is aghast. Today we're capping their salaries, tomorrow we'll be shooting their children in the basement of the Winter Palace.
President Obama agreed to sign a bill giving people without cable TV forty-dollar coupons to buy digital converter boxes before the deadline. A lot of people don't want Barack Obama to give them a converter box. They like the religion they are.
Illinois Governor Pat Quinn had the governor's mansion fumigated Tuesday after Rod Blagojevich was removed from office. It's a new day. The entire governor's mansion is being renovated including the den, where they have added a Truth Serum Bar.
Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant scored a Madison Square Garden record sixty-one points against the Knicks Monday. He was cheered by opposing fans. The Lakers look so great that people in Los Angeles are already picking out a place to burn down in June.
Michael Phelps apologized Sunday when a newspaper photo showed him smoking pot at a South Carolina campus party. It makes you giddy and lethargic. The drug was introduced in South Carolina thirty years ago in a futile effort to kill the war talk.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton