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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
Feb. 13, 2009
/ 19 Shevat 5769
A new life, dead ahead
By
Malcolm Fleschner
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Even if you've managed to hang on to your job and your home during the current economic crisis, like most Americans you've probably had to make sacrifices, such as cutting down on household expenses, dining out less frequently or getting up 15 minutes earlier each morning to siphon gas from a neighbor's car.
Things are tough all over, of course, even for the once high-flying Wall Street executives who reaped hundreds of billions of dollars during the market boom but who now are facing the humiliation of being forced to scrape by on just a measly few billion dollars from American taxpayers.
In even more dire straits are those financial industry crooks who, after years of enriching themselves by defrauding clients, may soon be trading in their pinstripes for prison stripes. In an effort to avoid jail entirely, many of these crooks are pursuing an unusual, but increasingly popular option: faking their own deaths.
Sure, at one point most of us have probably fantasized about running away and starting a new life, whether because of a bad breakup, a financial setback or after receiving a summons for jury duty. After all, who wouldn't want to escape the soul-crushing responsibilities of day-to-day life by starting over again with a different name, a new identity and a slimmer, more muscular build (Hey, it's a fantasy, right?)
This notion of hitting the open road and starting fresh is probably just the grown-up version of the common childhood dream of running away from home. I remember once, at age five, I got so fed up with my mother's draconian television restrictions (just two hours a day? Where was Amnesty International?) that I packed a bag and left the house in a huff. I could tell that mom knew I was serious by how quickly she locked the door behind me. I returned before long, however, having realized that being five and getting by on my own was not easy, particularly after Mom canceled her credit cards.
But maybe your prospects are so bad that you've determined that starting a new life is the best option. It's important to remember that faking your death requires careful, diligent planning, as opposed to the way you used to decide how to invest other people's life savings.
The first step is to make sure that the situation you face is genuinely dire. For a cautionary tale, we look to the example of Bennie Wint, a man who, according to news reports, faked his drowning death in 1989 while visiting Florida because he feared police were about to arrest him on drug charges. He then fled to Arkansas to begin a new life under an assumed name. The plan worked perfectly for 20 years until last week when, after being pulled over for a minor traffic violation and admitting the truth to police, Wint was told that there was never any record of a warrant for his arrest. Whoops! Let this be a lesson to you kids: say no to drugs!
But let's assume that you do have good reasons for needing to disappear. If so, be sure not to make the simple mistake Indianapolis financer Markus Schrenker did. After years of shady dealings threatened to catch up with him, the 38-year-old recently took off from Florida in his private plane bound for home and then, in the skies over a location in Alabama where he'd stashed a motorcycle, Schrenker allegedly parachuted out and left the aircraft to crash when it ran out of fuel.
The plan worked beautifully until police checked Schrenker's Facebook page, and found the following incriminating sequence of posts from the day of his disappearance:
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11:25 am: Markus Schrenker is in the air and on his way to Alabama home.
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12:42 pm: Markus Schrenker is double checking his parachute can't be too careful!
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1:08 pm: Markus Schrenker is sending a phony mayday message to those dopes at air traffic control.
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1:27 pm: Markus Schrenker is ditching his plane and jumping out to start his new life so long, suckers!
Finally, as you plan out your fake death and new identity, try to think outside the, um, coffin. Consider the example of a thief in Nigeria who was recently caught trying to break into a car. According to police reports the thief, thinking quickly, attempted to evade capture by I am not making this up turning himself into a goat. Not fooled, the police took the goat into custody and paraded it around in the world's first recorded instance of a four-legged "perp walk."
Sadly, the goat/thief did not get away, but from his failure we can all learn a simple lesson about changing into an animal to escape the police: there's a reason it's called going "on the lam."
JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.
Previously:
01/29/09: NOW STARRING ... EVERYBODY!
01/15/09: You know the type
01/08/09: Just in time, here comes 2009
11/20/08: Hotels go for the green
11/06/08: Something does not compute
10/30/08: Early adopters tech their chances
10/21/08: Cyberspace invaders
10/21/08: Keeping up disappearances
09/17/08: Victims of math hysteria
08/07/08: My newfound sense of self (promotion)
06/24/08: Getting the brand back together
05/29/08: Phrased and confused
05/13/08: Take this job and love it
04/17/08: News you can (re)use
04/02/08: Commercial (over)load
02/20/08: An overdose of reality
02/14/08: A developing situation
01/30/08: I can tech it or leave it
01/02/08: Confessions of a coke addict
01/02/08: Our bills are due
12/13/07: Going (to lunch) once, going twice…
11/28/07: Out with the old
11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning
© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner
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