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Jewish World Review Feb. 12, 2009 / 18 Shevat 5769 Geithner Warns His Talking Could Cause Depression By Andy Borowitz Markets Plunge on Treasury Secretary's Latest Statement http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | In testimony before Congress today, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner warned that by continuing to talk he might plunge the nation into a depression. "The nation's economy is in a crisis that could easily turn into a catastrophe," the Treasury Secretary said. "In this precarious state, it is highly vulnerable to my talking." Mr. Geithner pointed to the Dow Jones Industrial Average's 300-point drop during his previous day of Congressional testimony as proof that his amorphous policy statements posed a serious threat to the nation's economy. "What further damage could my vague remarks do?" he asked. "The truth is, I don't know." Overseas markets plunged on the news that Mr. Geithner was talking again, with both the NIKKEI and the FTSE shedding over eight percent of their value. At a town hall meeting in Indiana, President Barack Obama heard from a housewife, Carol Foyler, 47, who pleaded with the President to make Mr. Geithner stop talking. "Every time he opens his mouth, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my house," she said. President Obama hugged Mrs. Foyler and said he would "see what I can do" about the Geithner problem. "I will do everything in my power to get Tim to stop talking," the President said. "Quite honestly, I already have my hands full with Biden." Andy's Archives Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. BOROWITZ'S LATEST "The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers"   This book has page after page of "news stories" too hot, too controversial, too   —   yes, shocking   —   for the mainstream press to handle. Sales help fund JWR. Comment by clicking here. JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. © 2009, Andy Borowitz

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