Jewish World Review Feb. 27, 2008 / 21 Adar I 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Academy Awards show got the lowest ratings in its history Sunday for ABC. Next year's ratings are certain to be much better. With Tom Cruise playing a one-eyed Nazi colonel against Frank Langella as Nixon, the advertising time is already sold out.
Jennifer Lopez was offered six million dollars by People magazine for the first picture of her new twins. No one's surprised the photo is worth six million dollars. What no one could believe is that she was willing to dress up her babies as Marilyn Monroe.
Southern California surfers enjoyed fifteen-foot waves after a monstrous storm off the Pacific on Monday. One surfer was reported missing. He was filling up his car at the Chevron station in Malibu and he got pulled under by four dollars a gallon.
The New York Philharmonic orchestra landed in North Korea Monday for a concert in the hermit kingdom. It's part of an effort to warm up ties between the two nations. Either that or the 1812 Overture is another sneaky test of our missile defense system.
Ralph Nader launched his presidential bid on Meet the Press Sunday. Democrats had to shudder. Ralph Nader has such a reputation as a spoiler that U.S. agriculture officials have orders to shoot him on sight if they see him near a meat packing plant.
Barack Obama cried foul Monday when a photograph surfaced of him in Kenya last year wearing a Muslim turban. The Clinton campaign has a distinct advantage in this field. All of Bill's scandals occurred just before the cell phone camera was invented.
Gennifer Flowers said Monday she is going to sell the recordings of her phone conversations with Bill Clinton. She said there's historical interest in the tapes of a sitting American president talking to his mistress. It's of historical interest to young people who want to know what phone sex was like before there were chat rooms.
Barack Obama met off-camera Monday with Jewish leaders who wanted to hear his support for Israel. They're worried about his willingness to talk to Iran, his ties to Jimmy Carter advisors, and his endorsement by Louis Farrakhan. They wanted to remind him privately that if he's going to be Jesus, he has to remember he is Jewish.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton