Jewish World Review Feb. 20, 2008 / 14 Adar I 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Roger Clemens told Congress last week he never injected steroids. He was the talk of Capitol Hill. Now the Washington Monument reminds everybody of a giant syringe, but it finally explains how Washington grew to be a head taller than the rest of the founders.
The Agriculture Department recalled beef produced in Southern California Monday due to possible E. coli contamination. It was sent to schools. For most teenage girls in Los Angeles it is a nice change from having to stick their fingers down their throats to lose weight.
Heidi Klum invited Britney Spears Monday to stay with her in her Beverly Hills home as she recovers. This is awful. It's not going to ease the congestion problem in Los Angeles when the world hears that even our baby-sitters are German supermodels.
Barack Obama was caught Monday giving a speech identical to one given by Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick two years ago. In the speech they compare themselves to Abe Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. That would explain why they were both wearing helmets.
Bill Clinton lost his temper at a heckler on an Ohio rope line Sunday. He poked the heckler in the face with his finger and had to be restrained by the Secret Service. The guy should never have written a bad newspaper review of Chelsea's singing.
Dallas County prosecutors released forty-five-year-old transcripts Monday of an alleged conversation between Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby showing they conspired to kill JFK. The FBI long ago dismissed the transcript as a screenplay. The thing falls apart when Ruby tells Oswald he will text him when he gets to Chicago.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton