Jewish World Review Feb. 15, 2008 / 9 Adar I 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Michelle Obama said Monday Barack snores and doesn't put the butter back in the fridge. She said she's tired of hearing him deified as some god. Last week Billy Graham called up his house and asked if he might live long enough to do his second Inaugural.
Pew Research Center projected Monday that by mid-century, one in five Americans will be foreign-born. The conclusion drawn by the pollsters has been questioned. How can they be sure that John McCain will not only get elected but re-elected president?
Hillary Clinton insisted Monday the personnel change inside her campaign is not a shake-up. She said her campaign manager left to spend more time with her kids. Like a lot of kids they were volunteering for Obama just to get back at their parents.
Los Angeles had its first house slide of the season Monday after rain weakened the hillsides underneath multimillion-dollar homes. No one was hurt. California has a new state law requiring everyone to wear a seatbelt whenever they're sitting on the front porch.
Roger Clemens stopped by Capitol Hill last Friday to chat with lawmakers before his steroid hearing. He was a sensation. The only visitor who was ever recognized by more congressmen and staffers was Ron Jeremy, although only the Democrats admitted it.
Roger Clemens denied accuser Brian McNamee's story that he attended a party at Jose Canseco's house ten years ago. He says he has a receipt to prove that he was on a golf course at the time. Now he's a suspect in the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson.
Amy Winehouse was the toast of the music industry Sunday when the Grammy Awards show in Los Angeles awarded the rehabbing British ballad singer a record-tying five Grammys in a single night. She was hugely excited. She thought she had won five grams.
Las Vegas somehow outpolled Los Angeles on Monday as the epicenter of the home mortgage foreclosure crisis. It must be bad there. So many people in Los Angeles are digging themselves into a hole that it's cut subway construction costs by fifty percent.
Swiss police reported a major theft of classic paintings in Zurich Monday. Art can accurately label your personality just by your ancestry. Italians use art to glorify G-d, the French use art to glorify love and the British prefer self-portraits.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton