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Jewish World Review Feb. 12, 2008 / 6 Adar I 5768
Hillary sells own tears on eBay
By Andy Borowitz
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'Hail Mary' for Cash-strapped Campaign
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
In a bold strategy to raise funds for her cash-strapped presidential campaign, Sen.
Hillary Rodham Clinton today announced that she was selling her own tears on the
popular auction site eBay.
After lending her campaign $5 million of her own money prior to the Super Tuesday
primaries, Mrs. Clinton's resources were reportedly tapped out, leading her to
auction off vials of her own tears with a suggested opening bid of $10,000.
While the posted eBay description of her tears does not attribute any healing
properties to them, it does claim that their historic value could be priceless.
Mrs. Clinton's decision to auction off her own tears, while admittedly an unorthodox
strategy, was not nearly as unusual as some of the other fundraising ideas floated
by her campaign in recent days, sources said.
According to sources close to the New York senator, Mrs. Clinton had toyed with a
number of unusual strategies, including marrying former Massachusetts governor Mitt
Romney.
"From where we sat, it was a win-win situation," one campaign aide said. "Hillary
would have access to $200 million, and Mitt would get one step closer to the White
House."
Reportedly, the plan to marry Mr. Romney broke down when a representative for the
former governor conveyed the message that Mr. Romney did not believe in polygamy.
"Hillary cried when she heard the news about Romney," the aide said. "But
hopefully, those tears will find a buyer."