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Jewish World Review Feb. 7, 2008 / 1 Adar I 5768 Dem Race Poses Challenge for Racists, Sexists By Andy Borowitz Nowhere to turn, disgruntled haters say http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | With the field for the Democratic presidential nomination narrowed to Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton, racists and sexists are finding themselves in a quandary over which candidate to support, prominent racists and sexists confirmed today. Across the U.S., voters who describe themselves as both racist and sexist complain that the two-person field, while touted by the media as history-making, is forcing them to ask a difficult question: which group do they hate more? "I've always seen myself as pretty balanced, racist and sexist-wise," said Herb Torlinson, a hardware salesman from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. "But I guess this is going to be an election that really puts my different hates to the test." Mr. Torlinson also chastised the media for celebrating the historic nature of the Democratic field: "Anyone who's happy about these two choices can't call himself a racist or a sexist." At the Clapboard Corner Café in Youngstown, Ohio, a group of sexist bigots who gather for breakfast once a week echoed Mr. Torlinson's sentiments. "I actually cried when John Edwards dropped out of the race," said David Colehurn, a disgruntled hater who works at a nearby Kinko's. "I can't believe that we don't have a regular person to vote for this year." Mr. Colehurn said that his virulent racism and sexism were causing him to entertain thoughts of voting for a Republican, but added that he was "turned off" by Arizona Sen. John McCain: "I hate old people." Elsewhere, after a new study revealed that cannabis causes gum disease, singer Amy Winehouse said, "That's why I'm sticking with crack." Andy's Archives Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. BOROWITZ'S LATEST "The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers"   This book has page after page of "news stories" too hot, too controversial, too   —   yes, shocking   —   for the mainstream press to handle. Sales help fund JWR. Comment by clicking here. JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. © 2007, Andy Borowitz

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