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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb. 28, 2007 / 10 Adar, 5767

Who's not your daddy?

By Celia Rivenbark

Celia Rivenbark
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Hons, my family's financial future is set if I can just convince my husband to step up and tell the world, or at least "People" magazine, that HE is the real father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.


At the rate men are signing up to claim daddyhood (and, perhaps not coincidentally, a chance to share the infant's potential multimillion dollar inheritance), I figure my hubby will come in just behind Urkel and slightly ahead of Donald Trump, who will announce, any day now, that "This baby has been fathered by the most handsome and charismatic producer and star of the most exciting reality show that has ever been shown in the history of television. And that includes your high-definition, your plasma and your just plain television."


Heck, the way things are going, I halfway expect Britney Spears, who I'm sure we can all agree has suffered a tragic lack of media attention lately, will try to convince us that she's the baby's real father.


It goes without saying that Brit's ex, Kevin Federline, will eventually step up and, I'm betting, claim to be the biological father of Anna Nicole's baby. As I've said before, that greasy white-boy rapper in the wife-beater isn't much to look at but he has a "Ghost Whisperer" scary supernatural ability to induce pregnancy. Plus, frankly, he could use the money now that Brit's blowing it all on bad tattoos in the Valley and shaving her head so she looks like the world's only redneck Tibetan monk. ("Y'all, let's chant and make some of them sand pixtures, again, y'all.")


Whenever there is a paternity question, anywhere in the U.S. or abroad, I think K-Fed should be hauled in and swabbed.


Rosie O'Donnell is also rumored to be claiming to be the father on the grounds that she's more man than leading baby-daddy contender Howard K. Stern will ever be. Then again, Rosie's more man than Ah-nold Schwarzenegger, who has vehemently denied that he is the father because he is "having to run Cali-fon-ee-ya's government and t'ings of t'at nature."


Of course, hubby thinks my idea is crazy on account of he's never actually met Anna Nicole Smith.


Details.


Look, if that danged old fool husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor's can claim to be the daddy — and y'all can just look at him and know he's shootin' blanks — I don't see why my hubby isn't willing to try to get a piece of the inevitable class-action suit. The money, I figure, will be split equally among the hundreds, possibly thousands, of wannabe daddy's as time and resources will make individual DNA testing impossible.


Family first, I always say.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here.


Phoning for dazzlers
Proper spelling begins at home
Sick of the waiting room
Road signs
Halt your motion toward the lotion
Sudoku's got my husband's number
One short stack of smarts, please
Spa me the kids
IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation
Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness
Girls' pajama parties a little different now
Welcome back for guilt-free manly man
A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs
Girls' pajama parties a little different now
When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome
Ageless icons can't escape their ages
Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy

Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’

© 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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