Jewish World Review Feb. 27, 2007 / 9 Adar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Academy Awards aired live from Hollywood Boulevard on Sunday. It was the most international awards show in Oscar history. Afterwards backstage, Martin Scorsese agreed to direct George Lopez and Carlos Mencia and Paul Rodriguez in The Deported.
Al Gore was the toast of Hollywood with his Oscar win Sunday. It was seen by a billion people. The mullahs in Iran couldn't help but notice that their future will be filled with parties and starlets if they will just concede to George W. Bush.
The Academy Awards producers changed the order of the show to tease viewers Sunday. It was unbearably long. They kept everyone waiting so long to see the acting awards that Jet Blue agreed to give everyone watching at home a twenty-five dollar voucher.
Barack Obama raised over a million dollars at a Beverly Hills party last week. He may not come back no matter how much money he raised. Half the people who said they were going to vote for him thought he had starred in The Last King of Scotland.
Helen Mirren won the Oscar for playing Queen Elizabeth. In accepting the award she gave an eloquent toast to Her Majesty the Queen. Hillary Clinton liked it so much she made a mental note to hire Helen Mirren to swear her in at the Inauguration.
Hillary Clinton said Friday she'd use Bill Clinton as a diplomat. She is not worried about him at all. At the rate the Bush foreign policy is progressing, soon every country in the world will require their women to be covered from head to toe.
Iraqi President Jalal Talabani flew to Jordan for medical treatment after he had a fainting spell. Imagine his disappointment when he recovered. He was hoping to be the first Iraqi leader to die of natural causes since the Book of Daniel.
The Pentagon on Friday called off Operation Divine Strake, which was a test of a bunker-busting bomb planned for the Nevada desert. Local opposition was too strong. The losses could be staggering if the ball jumps funny on the roulette wheel.
The Duke lacrosse team resumed play amid great fanfare Saturday. They ran onto the field through a smoke machine and an inflatable tunnel. Things went terribly wrong when the tunnel announced that it felt violated and was hiring Gloria Allred.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton