Jewish World Review Feb. 23, 2007 / 5 Adar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Academy Awards show will be televised live Sunday from the Kodak Theater in Hollywood. Everyone will be watching. It's the one night of the year you can see all your favorite movie stars without having to donate any money to Barack Obama.
The NFL began its scouting combine in Indianapolis Wednesday to measure each rookie for speed and strength. They have given up measuring character. Today's players are so out of control that this year's draft comes in both bottles and cans.
The NBA All-Star Weekend drew Los Angeles gangs to Las Vegas last week. Cops made over four hundred arrests as gunfire rang out from one end of the strip to the other. Four Crips were shot at the roulette table just for placing a bet on red.
The National Institutes of Health reported Monday that giving money to worthy causes stimulates exactly the same area of the brain that sex does. That explains why Bill Clinton does so much charity work. It's another way of cheating on Hillary.
John McCain took his campaign for president to California Wednesday. He's on record supporting the war in Iraq and advocating legal status for illegal aliens. He was on Rodeo Drive at a plastic surgeon's office having some of his previous votes removed.
Hollywood mogul David Geffen said Tuesday Hillary Clinton is overproduced and too scripted. His comments drew a heated response. Her staff insists that Hillary Clinton is completely spontaneous and unscripted, it says so right there in her day planner.
Hillary Clinton spoke to the Associated Press Wednesday while she campaigned in Nevada. She's never spent much time in a casino. She said she's not much of a gambler, but everybody who gets in her way gets a blackjack to the back of the head.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton