Jewish World Review Feb. 21, 2007 / 3 Adar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Congress recessed one week for the Presidents Day holiday on Friday. However, getting out of Washington D.C. turned out to be a task. Nancy Pelosi insisted on a team of twenty-four dogs instead of twelve to make sure she gets to California.
The Space Shuttle Atlantis began its month-long journey from hangar to launching pad Friday. The crew members have yet to be chosen. NASA never knows which astronauts made it back alive from St. Valentine's Day until they emerge from their Corvettes.
Heather Mills McCartney was reportedly in talks Thursday to join the cast of ABC's Dancing With the Stars. Nature abhors a vacuum. The moment Anna Nicole Smith left us, the job of show business train wreck was open to the blonde with the most seniority.
Anna Nicole Smith's body will remain in a Florida morgue by judge's order until all litigation is settled. Everyone who cares for her is just panic-stricken. Until she is buried and in the ground, it would be just like her to elope with James Brown.
Bill Clinton was trying to praise Hillary's qualities last week when he told a crowd that politics was not rocket science. His face turned red during all the laughter. Bill Clinton once tried to be serious but all he could get was construction work.
Ted Kennedy urged the FDA to regulate tobacco advertising Friday. It's about time. After all three actors who played the Man from Marlboro Country died of lung cancer, tobacco companies said it proved that riding horses causes lung cancer.
The Pentagon said Thursday the U.S. will shut down the border between Iraq and Iran plus the border between Iraq and Syria. What an ingenious idea. With the U.S. in charge of the border, Iraq will be flooded with Mexicans and rebuilt at half price.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton