Jewish World Review Feb. 19, 2007 / 1 Adar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Bill Gates and a Saudi prince bought the Four Seasons Hotels Monday for over three billion dollars. The chain is annually voted by business travelers as the world's top luxury hotel. The towels are so thick you can barely shut your suitcase.
Silvestro's Italian Restaurant in Miami held a fundraiser for NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak. The Italian American Anti-Defamation League is red-faced. The first astronaut charged with attempted murder is also the first Italian-American in space.
Al Gore attended Grammy Awards parties in Beverly Hills on Sunday. Everybody assured the former vice president that he will take home the Academy Award for Best Documentary. This time they're just going to keep counting the ballots until he wins.
The Grammy Awards on Sunday put a brave face on the music industry. The Baby Boomer rockers are the only ones selling out their tours. Britain has legalized Viagra for over-the-counter sales just to get the Rolling Stones to come home once in a while.
Barack Obama addressed fifteen thousand screaming fans when he announced for president in Springfield last Saturday. He is the first presidential candidate in history to admit using cocaine during his youth. That could be twenty-eight days ago.
St. Louis Cardinals homerun hitter Albert Pujols was sworn in as a U.S. citizen last week. He got a perfect one hundred on his written exam. Now there's concern in the commissioner's office he may have used Gingko Biloba to get every question right.
Senator Chuck Schumer of New York backpedaled Monday after saying the country wasn't ready for a woman and a black on the same ticket. There's no reason the combination can't succeed. It's number one at the box office starring Eddie Murphy.
Hillary Clinton's Secret Service protection was upped Monday after a blogger recommended she be smothered with a pillow. They always exercise extra caution with her. One agent was hospitalized ten years ago when he took a lamp for the president.
The UCLA School of Medicine released the results of a major medical research project which found that pot smoking does not cause cancer. It found that pot may even help prolong life. Willie Nelson's doctor just diagnosed his condition as immortal.
The Gallup Poll showed Saturday that the three leading candidates for president are a woman, a black man and a Italian New Yorker. It's fun. Every four years the media gets to play Let's Pretend before the voters arrive and nominate the white Southern governor.
Scooter Libby's trial wrapped up in federal court in Washington last week. It did not go well for the defense. Scooter's aide John Hannah said that during meetings his boss often took credit for other people's ideas, and he's the character witness.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton