Jewish World Review Feb. 12, 2007 /24 Shevat, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Weather Channel reported Friday that upstate New York has been buried by a blizzard from the Great Lakes. New York City is buried under nine feet of fresh powder. Ever since Miss USA got clean and sober the stuff has been piling up unused.
Senator Joe Biden apologized Thursday for calling Senator Barack Obama clean and articulate. He may have crippled his own presidential campaign. Within the hour Joe Biden was endorsed by Mel Gibson, Isaiah Washington, Michael Richards and Borat.
John Edwards refused Friday to fire bloggers who once slammed the Catholic Church. They're doing a great job for him. It's all over the Internet that Barack Obama's middle name is Hussein and that Al Gore has the same first name as Al Qaeda.
Hillary Clinton attended three town hall meetings in New Hampshire this past weekend. The place has so many fond memories for her. The last time she was in New Hampshire she had to go on 60 Minutes and promise to stay married to her husband.
Rudy Giuliani was in California on Saturday to speak to the California state Republican convention. He was also out here to consult with Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Rudy's got three wives and a sleepover at a gay couple's house to explain to the Religious Right, and he wants to try out his story on Maria Shriver.
Cartoon Network president Jim Samples resigned Friday over the Boston police panic triggered by blinking advertising signs. Like it's his fault they can't tell a light bulb from a stick of dynamite. Haven't these people ever seen a Roadrunner cartoon?
NASA sent two astronauts outside the Space Station for repairs Thursday. The astronauts had to remove a shroud that keeps things from getting too hot in the capsule. They needed to bring it back to earth so they can throw it over Lisa Nowak.
Dallas Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin was voted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. His election says something. It sends an overdue message to young people that you don't have to abstain from alcohol and drugs in order to have a good time.
Fashion czar Donatella Versace said Thursday that she thinks Hillary Clinton should start wearing skirts and dresses to emphasize her femininity. Versace said Clinton should drop the pants. It is the same advice that got her husband impeached.
Al Gore said Thursday he will attend Sunday's Grammy Awards in Hollywood. His own recordings have been controversial. It's illegal in California to drive or operate heavy machinery while listening to the audio recordings of any of his books.
The State Department asked foreign countries Tuesday to allow airline pilots to carry handguns inside the cockpit. Pilots feel better having the guns. They don't like to have to ask the flight attendants twice for another round of cocktails.
The FDA approved the diet drug Alli for over-the-counter sale Thursday. Side effects are said to be gross. If this drug catches on, NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak will be able to pay her legal bills by endorsing a line of diapers for drivers.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton