Jewish World Review Feb. 7, 2007 /19 Shevat, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Rudy Giuliani filed his notice-of-candidacy papers with the Federal Election Commission Monday. He's had three wives, he supports gay marriage and gun control, and he's running as a Republican. We're about to find out if 9-11 changed everything.
The Indianapolis Colts fans enjoyed a parade in Indianapolis Monday followed by a rally in the RCA Dome due to foul weather. Rain leaked in through a hole in the roof. The last event held in the facility was a Ryan O'Neal parenting seminar.
Ryan O'Neal fired a shot into his ceiling in Malibu Sunday to halt an attack by his son Griffin, who was coming at him with a poker. No one in Hollywood was surprised. The photo on their family Christmas card made the cover of Ring magazine.
The Super Bowl marked the first time in history two African-American coaches faced off. It was an historic day. Afterwards, Joe Biden called each coach in the locker room and congratulated them for their clean and articulate halftime speeches.
San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom admitted to having an affair with his friend's wife while he was divorcing Fox News anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle. The city may never forgive him. If there's one thing they can't stand, it's somebody who's in bed with Fox News.
Homeland Security decided Monday to maintain its ban on fixed-wing aircraft over New York to thwart terrorist attacks. Each city varies. Boston still relies on a signal from the Old North Church, one if by land and two if by Cartoon Network.
NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak was arrested in Orlando Monday after she attacked a woman who was her romantic rival for another astronaut. She went to the Orlando airport in a trenchcoat and a wig, carrying pepper spray, a BB pistol and a knife. She will probably be kicked out of the astronaut program, but she could win the Heisman.
Great Britain killed thousands of turkeys Monday to prevent bird flu from spreading. It took British troops one hour to move in and cut the turkeys' throats. That night, both sides in Northern Ireland vowed complete cooperation in peace talks.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton