Jewish World Review Feb. 6, 2007 /18 Shevat, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Super Bowl in Miami Sunday was declared a national security event by the U.S. government. That means everybody was on high terror alert. As soon as the scoreboard started blinking and flashing, Homeland Security moved in and evacuated Boston.
The Indianapolis Colts beat the Chicago Bears to win the Super Bowl in Miami on Sunday. The new world champions wouldn't be denied. Emotions just took over after the coach told the Colts at halftime to go out there and win one for Barbaro.
Las Vegas reported Tuesday that one hundred million dollars was bet on the Super Bowl Sunday. There's never any shortage of suckers. Every year in America over eighty billion dollars are bet on games of chance, excluding weddings and elections.
CBS News reported Saturday on the Beer Drinkers Diet, which allows people to lose weight by drinking more beer. It's well known in Hollywood. The reason it took Charlie Sheen so long to get sober is because he didn't want to break training.
John Edwards on Sunday promised to raise taxes if he's elected president to pay for universal health care. When Jack Kevorkian got out of prison last month he promised not to practice medicine. He is still allowed to be a political consultant.
Tony Blair asked John McCain Sunday to help negotiate a power-sharing plan in Northern Ireland. He thinks the one U.S. senator calling for more troops in Iraq can bring peace to Ireland. It sounds like that poisoned Russian tea is having side effects all over London.
Senator Joe Biden apologized Saturday for calling Barack Obama articulate and clean. The Delaware senator's civil rights credentials are typical. Joe Biden's family marched for King, but George Washington won the war, and we are where we are.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton