Jewish World Review Feb. 2, 2007 /14 Shevat, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Indianapolis Colts were listed as favorites Thursday to beat the Chicago Bears in the Super Bowl on Sunday. There's a lot at stake. If one of the Colts breaks his leg during the game, Tank Johnson will go out on the field and shoot him.
The New York Yankees signed a deal with China Monday to expand baseball into the world's largest nation. The people of China meet the first test of what it takes to be great baseball fans. They are not fussy at all about what goes into a hot dog.
Prince Charles was asleep at his residence in England on Tuesday when police arrested an intruder in the castle carrying a pitchfork. It was a good lesson for him. Shooting a few hoops in Harlem doesn't make you immune from a peasant uprising.
The Hollywood Hills coyote population came walking down to Hollywood Monday looking for food and water. They quickly started to trust humans. The wild dogs are now back in the hills with a used car, a timeshare and a cocktail napkin with a phone number on it that's one digit off.
Miss USA Tara Conner admitted her past drug use Thursday on the Today show. The interview completely overshadowed the Miss America Pageant. In a competition for publicity between Miss USA and Miss America, achieving world peace doesn't stand a chance against cocaine and nightclubs.
Hillary Clinton had to cancel a weekend trip to New Hampshire due to the death of Bill Clinton's step-father. She wanted to be with the family. The Clintons have had to be extra nice to relatives ever since the National Enquirer established a toll-free tip line.
German prosecutors considered arresting thirteen CIA agents for torture and kidnapping Wednesday. The timing was no accident. Germany's own agents told them that going against type and playing the good guy could win them the Academy Award.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton