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Jewish World Review
Feb. 7, 2007
/ 19 Shevat, 5767
Biden returns to campaign trail with duct tape over mouth
By
Andy Borowitz
New strategy to keep candidate on message
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
In a bold new strategy to keep his candidacy for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination on message, Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del) returned to the campaign trail today with a strip of duct tape over his mouth.
Political veterans were hard-pressed to think of a candidate who made a successful bid for his party's nomination with a piece of duct tape sealing his mouth, an orifice generally considered necessary to emit human speech.
But after their candidate stumbled out of the gate by making seemingly condescending remarks about a fellow candidate, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill), advisors to Mr. Biden seized on the duct-tape solution as the best way to hit the campaign's reset button.
"Every time Joe opens his mouth, he gets in the way of his message," said Carol Foyler, a media advisor to the Biden campaign. "Duct-taping his mouth shut is the best way to get his message out there to the American people."
At a town hall meeting in Davenport, Iowa, Mr. Biden seemed upbeat, offering this response to a voter's question about Social Security: "Mmmmghfffmmmggh."
According to Ms. Foyler, for the remainder of the 2008 campaign Mr. Biden will be relying heavily on hand gestures and the art of mime to make his case to the voters.
"Biden '08 is going to be a cross between a political campaign and Cirque du Soleil," she said.
Elsewhere, Jessica Simpson has revealed that it was painful to see her ex-husband Nick Lachey with other women shortly after the breakup of their marriage, according to a story published today in "Like I Care" magazine.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2006, Andy Borowitz
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