
 |
|
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
|
| |
Jewish World Review
Feb. 8, 2006
/ 10 Shevat, 5766
Bag man to the stars
By
Joel Stein
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I instinctively knew it was good to be a celebrity. But I wanted to smell it up close, at its white-hot center. I wanted to escort a celebrity around a gift lounge.
Distinctive Assets, the biggest of the gift-bag companies, hired me to lead celebrities around its gift lounge after the Grammy rehearsals Sunday night at Staples Center. The other part of my job was carrying a big bag for the stars to load with $12,398 in gifts. It was like being a parent on Halloween, only it was going to be a little harder to sneak into the bag later and eat an Escada purse.
Vendors Escada plus 18 others paid Distinctive Assets $20,000 apiece, in addition to the cost of the gifts, for the chance to set up a booth and give their sales pitches directly to Grammy performers and presenters, and to try to get them to pose for pictures holding the products.
For a mere $6,000 they could have had their products shoved into the $54,249.54 gift bag that the stars will find in their hotel rooms. Among its items is a coupon for Lasik surgery. Luckily for Buddy Holly, gift bags did not exist while he was alive.
While I was waiting for my first client, Kelly Clarkson, to finish rehearsals, a noncelebrity who had just wandered into the tent was escorted out, but not before being handed a huge bottle of cranberry vodka from 267 Infusions.
When I asked 267 Infusions owner Stacie Parker Shonfeld why she gave free stuff to a woman she didn't recognize, she said: "We'll give it to all random people. We want everyone to enjoy it as much as we do." I'm guessing that Shonfeld came up with this marketing strategy when she was three-quarters into a bottle of cranberry vodka.
Clarkson, it turned out, was a true genius at getting gifts. Because in a discovery I made that should be studied in every econ class it turns out that even when you're being given stuff for free, sales pitches are still incredibly annoying. But Clarkson acted interested in every item. Most were met with an enthusiastic "Right on!"
Such as, "Oh, Verizon Wireless, right on! I've seen y'all's commercial."
When the Verizon salesman asked her if she currently used Verizon, the singer admitted that she had no idea which service provider she used.
"My business manager knows," Clarkson admitted. "She gets the best deals."
An hour into this, I was impressed to find that Clarkson's "Right on!" did not flag. She seemed genuinely appreciative of the $1,000 in gift certificates from Tupperware.
"When I was poor and needed it, no one was giving me $1,000," she said. Though, undoubtedly, being poor and having $1,000 worth of Tupperware would have its own frustrations. Such as having nothing to fill $1,000 worth of Tupperware with except Top Ramen.
After Clarkson left, I escorted my second client, the country band Sugarland. Like Clarkson, lead singer Jennifer Nettles didn't need free stuff. I know for a fact that Nettles is so rich it ain't funny, because she says it in one of her songs. Still, Nettles may have exceeded Clarkson in her enthusiasm. Upon approaching a cubic zirconia table, Nettles exclaimed, without any provocation whatsoever, "Ziamonds? Awesome!"
As I carried five shockingly heavy bags to her car, accompanied by two unpaid Distinctive Assets volunteers who carried the remainder of the swag, I wondered how Nettles and her bandmate, Kristian Bush, were going to get this stuff home. JFK didn't airlift this much stuff into Berlin.
Having already been through five gift lounges at other events since their first album came out a little more than a year ago, the Sugarland members had learned to have their spouses arrive with empty suitcases. These are the kind of hard lessons you're taught by the road.
The weirdest part of the night was that even though I was party to one of the most obscene gestures the invisible hand of capitalism had ever made, there was something sweet about seeing celebrities all excited and grateful. Unlike money or fame, the tactility of free stuff returned them to their pre-famous selves, able to appreciate how ridiculously fortunate they'd become.
Weirder yet, I think they might actually deserve all this stuff. In a world that's increasingly stripped of advertising (TiVo, satellite radio, TV shows on DVD, decreased newspaper readership, NASCAR's inability to invent a method to put a corporate sticker on top of another corporate sticker), what a celebrity wears or uses is becoming our main method of learning about new products we'd like.
Having talent is now just part of the job of being a celebrity. You also have to be a tastemaker. In fact, just being a tastemaker is sometimes enough. Especially if your talent is mostly being willing to sell a video of yourself starring in night-vision pornography.
If we find all this alarming, then we'd better start clicking on those pop-up ads.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Joel Stein is a Los Angeles Times columnist. Comment by clicking here.
Archives
© 2006 Los Angeles Times
Distributed by Los Angeles Times Syndicate
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Jay Ambrose
Michael Barone
Barrywood
Tony Blankley
Lori Borgman
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Richard Z. Chesnoff
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Alan Douglas
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
Frank J. Gaffney
Bernie Goldberg
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Argus Hamilton
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Ron Hart
Nat Hentoff
Marybeth Hicks
David Horowitz
Jeff Jacoby
Renee James
Paul Johnson
Jack Kelly
Ed Koch
Ch. Krauthammer
Michael Ledeen
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Ann McFeatters
Dale McFeatters
Dana Milbank
Jeanne Moos
Dick Morris
Jim Mullen
Deroy Murdock
Judge A. Napolitano
Bill O'Reilly
Kathleen Parker
Star Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Sharon Randall
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Heather Robinson
Pat Sajak
Debra J. Saunders
Martin Schram
Culture Shlock
David Shribman
Roger Simon
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Ben Stein
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Dan Thomasson
Bob Tyrrell
Ben Wattenberg
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
ZeitGeist
Mort Zuckerman

Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
Lisa Benson
John Branch
John Cole
J. D. Crowe
John Deering
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Mallard Fillmore
Glenn Foden
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holbert
Lee Judge
Steve Kelley
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Jimmy Margulies
Rick McKee
Michael Ramirez
Kevin Siers
Jeff Stahler
Ed Stein
Danna Summers
John Trever
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters

Mr. Know-It-All
Dr. Peter Gott
GET A JOB! by Marty Nemko
Richard Lederer
Frugal Living
Tech Maven
On Nutrition
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
|