Jewish World Review Feb. 27, 2006 / 29 Shevat, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The U.S. Army's 82nd Airborne Division was rocked by a sex
scandal on Friday. Seven paratroopers were caught participating in
a gay sex ring. The men could receive up to three months in the
brig plus an Academy Award for Best Picture.
The Winter Olympics in Turin Thursday featured the United
States winning its first-ever medal in curling. That's the sport
that depends upon an athlete's skill with a broom. It's just more
evidence that illegal immigration is out of hand.
Bill Clinton was refused a round of golf in Australia
Thursday due to a tournament so he had to play at a neighboring
course. Golfers there told reporters he was followed everywhere by
minders. Hillary isn't leaving anything to chance.
Malibu police said a million-dollar Ferrari crashed on
Pacific Coast Highway Tuesday going a hundred twenty miles an
hour. The driver's fine. The hospital was flooded with calls from
concerned friends and relatives asking how the car is doing.
Dubai Ports World said Friday it will proceed with the
purchase of the British company that runs six U.S. ports. They
said they will segregate U.S. operations. Once the president
accused the nation of being racist, the company knew what it had
to do to get the deal through Congress.
President Bush said he cannot understand why it's okay for
Britain to own U.S. ports but not okay for an Arab country. One
country is a source for terrorist financing while the other one is
our mother country. Other than that, they're two peas in a pod.
The White House thanked Dubai Ports World Friday after the
company offered to delay taking over six U.S. ports. It's helpful.
This gives the president more time to focus on his guest-worker
proposal and his goal of getting his approval rating to zero.
Hillary Clinton ripped the handover of six U.S. ports to an
Arab-owned company on Friday. She plans to introduce a bill in the
Senate to stop it. She admits hesitating, because the last time
she introduced a bill her parents warned her not to marry him.
The New York Port Authority filed suit Friday to block the
sale of its ports to a company owned by United Arab Emirates. The
country is a pirate's cove for freebooters and money launderers.
At least that what it says in its Business Week ad.
The Oscar-winning film Network will be out on DVD Monday for
the movie's thirtieth anniversary. The movie is about a television
campaign to sell Americans on a risky business deal with an Arab
company. The plot was considered so absurd it was released as a comedy.
The White House defended the sale of ports to an Arab
company Thursday. Both Democrats and Republicans joined together
to denounce it unanimously. It took five years but President Bush
finally kept his promise to be a uniter, not a divider.
President Bush hinted that Americans are racist for
objecting to Arabs owning our ports. The UAE is a country that
executes adulterers. When Bill Clinton gives a speech in Dubai he
has to be led into and out of the hotel wearing horse blinders.
Saddam Hussein's trial was put on hold Friday due to
daylight curfews imposed to stem the worsening violence in Iraq.
The country's on the verge of civil war. Rhett Butler was last
seen telling the Sunnis that all they've got is cotton and arrogance.
President Bush asked Congress for seventy-five million dollars Friday so the administration can promote democracy in Iran. Here we go again. If democracy works as well in Iran as it did in the West Bank and Iraq, Israel may have to stage a pre- emptive strike on us before we do any more damage to their national security.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton