Jewish World Review Feb. 24, 2006 / 26 Shevat, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The Powerball Lottery, it was learned Thursday, was won by eight Nebraska meat packers who will share three hundred and sixty-five million dollars. They must have a great feeling of security. They live fifteen hundred miles from the nearest port.

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg urged calm Wednesday when a New Yorker contracted anthrax poisoning. Anthrax is of no concern out West. If anybody in Los Angeles gets white powder in the mail, it's usually just a Christmas card from Charlie Sheen.

The National Football League held its rookie scouting combine in Indianapolis this week. They look at everything. Character scrutiny is intense ever since Ricky Williams threw away his football career to become a spokesman for the Emir of Doobie.

President Bush strongly endorsed the sale of six U.S. ports to an Arab company Tuesday, then found out ninety percent of the nation is opposed to the deal. The president might be forced to ask Bill Clinton for advice. This is a job for Houdini.

Bob Dole agreed Tuesday to lobby Congress on behalf of the Arab company that wants to buy U.S. ports, even though his wife is a senator from North Carolina. Bob Dole won't lose any sleep over this. North Carolina makes the world's nicest couches.

The Bank of England said thieves stole forty million pounds from a banknote storage depot. They were a mix of old and new notes. This is the only currency with the queen's picture on it, unless you believe those rumors about Abe Lincoln.