Jewish World Review Feb. 20, 2006 / 22 Shevat, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | New Orleans began the annual week-long series of parties and parades leading up to the Mardi Gras parade Tuesday. Visitors have been advised to observe one rule in the French Quarter. Never try to pick up a woman wearing a Super Bowl ring.

George Steinbrenner ripped the World Baseball Classic Friday. If his players get injured he still must pay their salaries. No baseball competition can possibly succeed if the first thing it does is make George Steinbrenner a sympathetic figure.

Bryant Gumbel criticized the Winter Olympics Thursday because it has no black athletes. Everybody knows going in that the games are Germany, Norway and Sweden versus their cousins from Minnesota. Bryant Gumbel just doesn't like family reunions.

A Washington D.C. judge sentenced a man to prison Friday for jumping the White House fence. He said he had a cell phone in his head and wanted to meet Chelsea Clinton. And everyone thought the Reform Party didn't have a candidate next election.

Hillary Clinton denounced the White House for its Hurricane Katrina response in addition to its foreign policy and spiraling deficit. This administration is much less competent than was the Clinton administration. Vince Foster didn't get up.

Hillary Clinton's wax replica was unveiled Thursday next to the figure of her husband at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. Her figure is wearing a wedding ring and his isn't. They have the figures carefully positioned so that Hillary is looking the other way.

Saddam Hussein announced in court Wednesday he's going on a hunger strike in the name of Allah. No one doubts his piety. On the courtroom table in front of him he keeps his personal copy of the Koran, with all the violent parts highlighted.

Danish scientists said Friday Greenland's glaciers are melting due to global warming. It's been accelerating. Global warming is caused by Al Gore steaming every time someone says Dick Cheney is the most powerful vice president in history.

Treasury officials predicted that twenty-six million taxpayers could be hit this year by the Alternative Minimum Tax. It kicks in when two-earner couples have enough child tax credits to owe no income tax. It's the first thing the government's ever done to encourage people to move back to Mexico.

Tiger Woods plays for his first win at the Los Angeles Open today at Riviera Country Club. It's embarrassing for him here. He's contractually bound to drive a Buick, and wherever he goes in Los Angeles everybody thinks he's an undercover cop.