Jewish World Review Feb. 20, 2006 / 22 Shevat, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
New Orleans began the annual week-long series of parties and
parades leading up to the Mardi Gras parade Tuesday. Visitors have
been advised to observe one rule in the French Quarter. Never try
to pick up a woman wearing a Super Bowl ring.
George Steinbrenner ripped the World Baseball Classic
Friday. If his players get injured he still must pay their
salaries. No baseball competition can possibly succeed if the
first thing it does is make George Steinbrenner a sympathetic figure.
Bryant Gumbel criticized the Winter Olympics Thursday
because it has no black athletes. Everybody knows going in that
the games are Germany, Norway and Sweden versus their cousins from
Minnesota. Bryant Gumbel just doesn't like family reunions.
A Washington D.C. judge sentenced a man to prison Friday for
jumping the White House fence. He said he had a cell phone in his
head and wanted to meet Chelsea Clinton. And everyone thought the
Reform Party didn't have a candidate next election.
Hillary Clinton denounced the White House for its Hurricane
Katrina response in addition to its foreign policy and spiraling
deficit. This administration is much less competent than was the
Clinton administration. Vince Foster didn't get up.
Hillary Clinton's wax replica was unveiled Thursday next to
the figure of her husband at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. Her
figure is wearing a wedding ring and his isn't. They have the
figures carefully positioned so that Hillary is looking the other way.
Saddam Hussein announced in court Wednesday he's going on a
hunger strike in the name of Allah. No one doubts his piety. On
the courtroom table in front of him he keeps his personal copy of
the Koran, with all the violent parts highlighted.
Danish scientists said Friday Greenland's glaciers are
melting due to global warming. It's been accelerating. Global
warming is caused by Al Gore steaming every time someone says Dick
Cheney is the most powerful vice president in history.
Treasury officials predicted that twenty-six million
taxpayers could be hit this year by the Alternative Minimum Tax.
It kicks in when two-earner couples have enough child tax credits
to owe no income tax. It's the first thing the government's ever
done to encourage people to move back to Mexico.
Tiger Woods plays for his first win at the Los Angeles Open today at Riviera Country Club. It's embarrassing for him here. He's contractually bound to drive a Buick, and wherever he goes in Los Angeles everybody thinks he's an undercover cop.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton