Jewish World Review Feb. 13, 2006 / 15 Shevat, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Tony Blair called Friday for Iran to give up its ambition to possess nuclear weapons. It's got the world's attention. When experts said a war could cost ten million Iranian lives, Wayne Gretzky's wife bet fifty thousand dollars on the overs.

Muslims held more protests in the Middle East over Danish editorial cartoons offensive to their religion. It's spreading fast. Canadians took to the streets Friday when the Denver Post ran a cartoon of Wayne Gretzky without his halo.

Janet Jones and some NHL players belonged to a sports betting ring headed by mobster Skinny Joey Merlino. He's a lovely guy. He helped six men become senators from New Jersey, and then afterwards he helped two of them become American citizens.

Canadian goalie Jose Theodore flunked his Olympic drug test Friday because of Propecia. They said the hair growth drug can be used to mask steroid use. Don't be surprised if Barry Bonds shows up for spring training with the biggest Afro since Oscar Gamble's.

The Winter Olympics held their opening ceremony in Turin on Friday. Before the games began, Italian authorities expelled the area's leading Muslim cleric. Bode Miller isn't going to set any Olympic downhill skiing records if the snow is on fire.

Cindy Sheehan decided not to challenge Democrat Senator Dianne Feinstein this year in the California primary. She would only have sucked away the votes of the hippies and druggies and tree huggers. In other words, she would have won in a walk.

ABC News anchor Elizabeth Vargas announced Friday that she's pregnant. ABC's other anchor Bob Woodruff is in the hospital recovering from a bombing attack. It could just be bad luck or it might be time to ask Walter Cronkite if he has an alibi.

President Bush said in a speech in Washington Thursday that al-Qaeda once plotted a terrorist attack on Los Angeles. It makes no sense at all. People who want to destroy America would never attack Hollywood, if only out of professional courtesy.

Dr. Phil got a Daytime Emmy nomination Thursday in the category of Outstanding Achievement in Hair Styling. No kidding. It's the easiest set-up for comedians since President Clinton was asked to give the invocation at a Promise Keepers rally.

Iran's president said Thursday he will end cooperation with the U.N. and start uranium enrichment and no longer allow surprise inspections. The lesson couldn't be any clearer. Never ask a Muslim leader for a quote right after he's read the comics.

Hillary Clinton said Friday she cannot understand why the Bush administration can't capture the tallest man in Afghanistan. Bin Laden can't be that hard to find. Some guy is averaging seventy points a game for Islamabad and nobody ever fouls him.

Congressman Barney Frank accused the White House of ethnic cleansing in New Orleans Thursday. He warned of a richer and whiter New Orleans. If the Democrats had their way, the America's Cup would begin a half-mile upstream from Niagara Falls.