Jewish World Review Feb. 10, 2006 / 12 Shevat, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Malibu was ringed by wildfires threatening the movie colony
Wednesday. Arson investigators suspect the fires were set by angry
demonstrators. The day before, a Dutch newspaper printed an
editorial cartoon showing George Hamilton without a tan.
Wayne Gretzky's actress wife Janet Jones was implicated
Monday in an illegal bookmaking ring. It was revealed that during
their courtship she lied about her age by nine years. It won't
damage anybody's career unless she said she was twelve.
The Washington Post reported an eight-year study of low-fat
diets Tuesday which found that low-fat diets have no health
benefits at all. So what do we do now? We are currently living in
a nation where one out of three people weigh as much as the other two.
Toyota announced record profits Tuesday, a week after Exxon
announced record profits. Maybe it is an addiction. In Los
Angeles, the Crips are giving up their street corners for auto
dealerships in Santa Monica and gas stations along Interstate Ten.
The White House forced a Sheraton hotel in Mexico City to
evict American oil executives meeting with Cuban officials
Saturday. Mexico said the U.S. violated its sovereignty. The Mexican
people were plenty furious but not enough to go back to Mexico.
The U.S. Senate debated a bill to halt the sale of cellphone
records by Internet firms. It's a life and death issue. Bill
Clinton is alive today because Hillary didn't know you can track
your husband's cellphone calls for a hundred and forty dollars.
Hillary Clinton charged Wednesday that Republicans are playing the fear card of terrorism on every issue. People don't trust her to be vigilant. President Bush might have missed the 9-11 attacks on New York, but Monica Lewinsky was right downstairs.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton