Jewish World Review Feb. 7, 2006 / 9 Shevat, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The Pittsburgh Steelers beat Seattle in the Super Bowl Sunday. Seattle fans were a no-show. The Microsoft crowd is smart enough to stay away from laid-off steel workers and auto workers until they are old enough to collect Social Security.

The Department of Health said Americans consumed twenty-six billion calories during the Super Bowl. It was ugly. By halftime the rising weight of the fans and the falling weight of the linemen intersected at three hundred and seven pounds.

The National Football League announced its intention last week to put a team in Los Angeles in three years. The fan base is unique. The most expensive seats in Los Angeles are in the end zone because the cell phone reception is better there.

The Seabulk Pride ran aground off the coast of Anchorage Thursday night. The oil tanker was carrying five million gallons of gasoline, however the spill was limited to merely eighty gallons. The California governor's Hummer fell off the deck.

Saddam Hussein's lawyer said Sunday U.S. military authorities in Baghdad won't let him meet with his client. Pentagon officials don't want to help out a natural born killer and a rapacious plunderer. Everybody hates lawyers until they need one.

Tony Blair released an environmental report last weekend proving that global warming is worse than first feared. Scientists say glaciers have begun moving visibly. Traffic on the San Diego Freeway was up to three miles an hour on Thursday.