Jewish World Review Feb. 6, 2006 / 8 Shevat, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Golfer John Daly's wife went to prison Friday for a drug and money-laundering scam. He himself loves to eat, drink and gamble. The last time a couple combined for five out of the seven deadly sins, the wife made out all right but the husband was impeached.

The Egyptian Navy rushed to rescue Egyptian ferry boat passengers on Friday after the vessel capsized in a storm and sank into the Red Sea. Egypt rejected Israel's offer to help. It was too late by then to show them how Moses did the trick.

Bill Clinton said Friday he believes the White House should obtain warrants before eavesdropping on Americans. He said he tapped five new lines a week but always got a judge's permission. Of course he was always in court so it wasn't that inconvenient.

Hillary Clinton reported Friday that she received a campaign contribution from John Kerry's wife Teresa. The senator's wife is switching her allegiance. Teresa gave up on her husband when he said he was in favor of invading Iran unless we get bogged down afterwards.

Brokeback Mountain swept the Academy Award nominations Tuesday. The movie was an achievement from a technical point of view. When the sheep kept a straight face during the love scenes, everyone agreed it was the best animal training since Lassie.

John Daly's reality show on the Golf Channel caused controversy Tuesday. The opening episode shows him packing six cases of beer for an all-expenses-paid trip to St. Andrews. It's a federal crime to impersonate a member of the U.S. Congress.

President Bush went to Albuquerque Friday and asked Congress to provide more money for math and science programs. He's up against modern education. To suggest that there is only one correct answer to a math problem could stunt a child's emotional growth.

Mexican Army soldiers were caught on videotape Friday crossing the U.S. border into Texas. The soldiers drove Texas sheriffs into retreat as they escorted drug smugglers into America. Maybe if we stopped calling them the Mexican Army and started calling them al-Qaesadilla we might get some funding for border patrol.