Jewish World Review Feb. 1, 2006 / 3 Shevat, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Kiefer Sutherland was voted Best Actor by the Screen Actors Guild Sunday for playing U.S. agent Jack Bauer in Twenty-Four. It depicts a nation under constant attack by the terrorists. It's like a President Bush speech with good-looking women.

Al-Qaeda head Ayman al-Zawahri said in a new video Monday if President Bush becomes a Muslim, all will be forgiven. He called the president a failure and a butcher. They always lay on the compliments when they're trying to get you to sign up.

Condi Rice admitted Sunday the White House did not see the strength of Hamas before the Palestinian elections. Al-Qaeda leaders were also dismayed by the terrorist election win. They don't have the kind of money it takes to run for office.

Super Bowl officials said Monday forty thousand Pittsburgh Steeler fans will be at the game in Detroit Sunday. They were very anxious to make the trip. The steelworkers want to assure the auto workers that working for Wal-Mart isn't all bad.

Dell set up its fourth call service center in India Monday, employing five thousand workers. Indian operators not only know English, they can also converse in different American accents. It really puts the Los Angeles school system to shame.

ABC's Commander in Chief was canceled Sunday, one week after the cancellation of NBC's West Wing. It looks bleak for liberals. Even Canada just elected a new prime minister so conservative that he ran on a program of survival of the fittest.

Senate Democrats could muster only twenty-five votes Monday for a filibuster of Sam Alito's Supreme Court nomination. The party discipline is just deplorable. Democrats couldn't be any more out of control if they'd been raised by Martin Sheen.

Massachusetts dominatrix Mistress Lauren was acquitted Monday of manslaughter of a client who had a heart attack while on her medieval rack. It had to happen. The moment the CIA began hiring private contractors you knew there would be trouble.