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Jewish World Review
Feb. 8, 2006
/ 10 Shevat, 5766
Poll: Most Americans fear Oprah
By
Andy Borowitz
Tops terrorism, global warming in University of Minnesota survey
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
A new survey commissioned by the University of Minnesota reveals that a majority of Americans now name talk show host Oprah Winfrey as their number one fear, eclipsing such other concerns as unemployment, terrorism, and global warming.
The survey, conducted in the days following the talk show legend's tongue-lashing of embattled author James Frey, shows that fifty-nine percent of Americans agreed with the statement, "I live in fear of sitting on Oprah Winfrey's couch and having her say mean things to me."
In contrast, only seventeen percent said that they are afraid of al-Qaeda terror mastermind Osama bin Laden, five percent said they fear North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il, and two percent named actor Russell Crowe.
The poll results bear out anecdotal evidence provided by mental health professionals across the country, many of whom say that in the days immediately following Ms. Winfrey's fire-breathing encounter with author Frey the number of patients complaining of Oprah-related trauma has soared.
Davis Logsdon, who supervised the survey for the University of Minnesota's Opinion Research Institute, says that Ms. Winfrey's upbraiding of Mr. Frey may have profoundly affected the way Americans view the talk show hostess: "She was seen before as a loving, compassionate Oprah, and now she is seen as a vengeful Oprah."
In Chicago, Ms. Oprah's production company released the following official response to Mr. Logsdon's comments: "Mr. Logsdon took the name of Oprah in vain and for that, Oprah shall smite him."
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2006, Andy Borowitz
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