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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
Feb. 10, 2006
/ 12 Shevat, 5766
Irreconcilable differences resolved in 15 words or less
By
Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The husband was reading an article that said 69 percent of all differences in a marriage are never resolved.
"Do you believe that?" he asked.
I looked at him and solemnly said, "I do."
John Gottman, a relationship researcher and an affiliate of Smart Marriages, a sharp and enthusiastic coalition working to
strengthen marriage, has found that most couples have irreconcilable differences that are never reconciled.
Nice to know you have company, isn't it?
The husband and I have proven this theory to be true, in that we do not argue about a lot of things; we simply argue about the
same things over and over.
I call them our perennials. Since we have had ample practice at the same arguments, we have been able to shorten many of
them to 20 words or less.
For example, the husband does not appreciate the fact that I was born cold-blooded, just as I do not appreciate the fact that
he has a circulatory system unable to deliver a single drop of blood to any of his extremities.
When we are in the car and he has turned the heat to the hottest setting with the fan blowing on high, I no longer inform him
that I am getting hot and nauseated and believe this is inconsiderate and insensitive on his part.
That would just stir up one of those dreaded relationship talks that ends with neither of us remembering how it started in the
first place. Now, I simply say, "Honey, the flames of Hell." (five words)
He knows what this means and moves the knob ever so slightly away from the red and toward the blue. "Now?" he says.
(One word.)
If it is still too hot, I say, "Bo
nfires of Hell." (three words.) He moves the knob further toward the blue and I am once again
able to breathe, although he now has small icicles hanging from his nose.
When I am not looking, he slides the lever back to the high heat setting, whereupon I roll down my window and either the
exchange begins anew, or we have reached our destination.
One of our other perennials is about being on time. I believe punctuality means arriving at least 10 minutes before an event
starts. He believes arriving before an event starts is a waste of time.
Instead of arguing, I now move the start time of events up by one hour. He is satisfied, thinking he successfully slid in at the last
second, and I am happy in that it has been two years since we raced a bride down the aisle.
Our third perennial involves holiday travel. He enjoys burning 2,000 miles of interstate to visit all members of both families,
while it makes me weary. Instead of prolonging this argument, we now have it down to a bare-bones banter:
"Four states, seven days," he says.
"Three states, five days and potty breaks every 90 minutes of travel," I say.
"Three states, six days, potty breaks every two hours," he counters.
That discussion used to take an entire evening, but now we can have a holiday travel plan formed in under two minutes, with
only occasional rolling of the eyes on my part.
It would probably behoove every couple to pinpoint their perennials and whittle them down to a 15-word-or-less exchange.
This allows couples to argue more quickly and efficiently, hence allowing more time for other things, like getting along.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.
ARCHIVES
© 2006, Lori Borgman
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