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Jewish World Review Feb. 7, 2005 / 28 Shevat, 5765 Booze, the Dems and Teddy Kennedy By Tom Purcell
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
February is the hardest month of the year for me. It's the month I give up drinking. I think Democrats should join me.
Forsaking adult beverages one month each year helps me strengthen my willpower and clear out my noggin. It gives me an opportunity to stand back, reevaluate my little world and set off on a fresh course.
That's exactly what Democrats must do, because I'm convinced they've been hitting the sauce a little hard.
Just a few days before the historic election in Iraq, Teddy Kennedy spat out his latest blather. He said Iraq was a Bush disaster and that America should pull out right away. Even after that election succeeded beyond anyone's wildest expectations — even after Iraqi voters danced in the streets and the most leftward among us began asking, "What if Bush was right?" — old Teddy said the election meant little.
As a fellow Irishman, I know why he is so out of touch with reality: an abundance of Manhattans that are light on the "man" and heavy on the "hattan." The last time I soaked my noggin in that potent mix, I scared off a woman nearly as bad as Teddy is scaring off America's middle class.
But he's not the only one over-tipping the bottle. The day after the election in Iraq, old sourpuss Kerry said we should not over-hype its success. He said Iraq is now a greater terrorist threat to America than when Saddam was in charge. He went on to set out everything the Bush administration is doing wrong and why it's likely the sky will fall.
I know exactly why Kerry is saying such things: Gray Goose vodka. Though I prefer a good Irish whiskey, I've enjoyed a chilled Gray Goose from time to time. A fellow's mind can become so wilted by the stuff, he could find himself on Meet the Press uttering the inanities Kerry uttered — a problem exacerbated by the fact that Gray Goose is made by the French.
There's plenty more drinking going on among Democrats. A few days before the president's State of the Union address, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Nevada Senator Harry Reid gave a "prebuttal."
See, the Democrats keep losing elections because they offer no alternatives to Republican policies. And just as the country is returning to its conservative sense of individualism, self-reliance and common sense, Democrats have been going the other way — towards a European-style nanny state.
You'd think, therefore, that Pelosi and Reid would use their talk to showcase fresh new ideas — that would excite the middle class. But they did not. They dwelled, instead, on the negative.
Reid tried to sell the notion that Bush is just standing by while the rest of the world is taking the lead to solve world problems. Then Pelosi tried to scare older folks into believing that Bush is trying to wreck the Social Security program — the one that doesn't need radical reform now that a Republican is president but that did need it when a Democrat was in the White House.
The reason for such "reasoning" is clear to me. A majority of the Democrats in both the House and the Senate have been sucking down Courvoisier, a fine Cognac preferred by elitists throughout Western Europe and American academia, by the six-pack. I know firsthand that an abundance of this condensed wine leads to a lack of clarity and an inability to conduct rational thinking of any kind. This problem is also exacerbated by the fact that Courvoisier is made by the French.
The more Democrats speak — the more they attempt to win over the middle class by slamming the president — the more certain I am that they are drinking too much. I beg of them to join me this February and swear off adult beverages of every kind.
This may not only help them set off on a better course, it will stop them from driving the rest of America to drink.
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© 2005, Tom Purcell | ||||||||||
