JWR Schticks and groans

Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb. 8, 2005 / 29 Shevat, 5765

Iraqis paint fingers purple to pick up women

By Andy Borowitz


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

Phony voters pack Baghdad's bars



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | In Iraq, where a purple finger became a purple badge of courage after last week's historic elections, thousands of non-voting Iraqi men have started painting their fingers purple in order to pick up women, Iraqi women complain.


"Women won't look at you twice if you don't have a purple finger," says Beshar Yousif, 27, a bicycle messenger who sat out the election but waited for hours to get his finger painted in one of the many finger-painting shops that have opened in Baghdad in the aftermath of the vote.


Purple fingers have become such a status symbol in Iraq in recent days, observers say, that the price of a barrel of purple paint has soared to over ninety dollars a barrel, outpacing the price of a barrel of oil.


But all of the purple-finger fakery is not sitting well with Iraqi women like Jumana Akrawy, 32, who said that she "felt like an idiot" after being picked up at a bar last week by a purple-fingered man who turned out to be a non-voting fraud.


"His purple finger had me at 'hello,'" she recalls ruefully.


But the thrill was gone, Ms. Akrawy says, once she asked her suitor who he voted for on Sunday: "He was like, 'Abu… uh, Ahmed… Number 167?"


Ms. Akrawy, who voted in the election, now sees democracy as something of a mixed blessing: "As far as I can see, it's just given men another way to lie to you."


Elsewhere, President Bush said today that significant Social Security savings could be achieved by eliminating payments to Barbara Boxer.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and the media consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

BOROWITZ'S LATEST
"The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers"  

This book has page after page of "news stories" too hot, too controversial, too   —   yes, shocking   —   for the mainstream press to handle. Sales help fund JWR.



Andy's Archives



Comment by clicking here.

ARCHIVES

JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.



© 2005 Andy Borowitz