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Jewish World ReviewFeb. 14, 2001 / 21 Shevat, 5761
Resumania by Max Messmer
http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- "I am very easy to get along with, outgoing and expendable." This job candidate had the right idea when preparing his resume but inadvertently used the wrong word. Let's hope he meant to highlight for prospective employers how "dependable" he is. The lesson: Always be sure what you say reflects what you actually mean. "EMPLOYMENT HISTORY: Various full- and part-time employment during college to help defraud educational expenses." We can assume he meant to say, "defray" educational expenses; if not, his career could be short-lived. "PERSONAL STRENGTHS: Through constant interaction with customers and coworkers, I gained inter- and intra-personal skills." Interpersonal skills are always in demand. Intra-personal skills? Perhaps she excels at talking to herself. "HOBBIES: Going to dog shows and growing an Irish Wolfhound." A canine Frankenstein? "QUALIFICATIONS: In general, I believe I am an excellent problem, with exceptional organizational, leadership and communication skills." If you're going to be a problem, it's best to be an excellent one. From a cover letter: "I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut." Good to know. From another cover letter: "Here is my resume for you to overlook." Don't be so hard on yourself. "DUTIES: Answered telephones, greeted and directed customers, handled compliants." The compliant customers are always the easiest to work with. It's the "noncompliants" that spell trouble. "PREVIOUS EMPLOYMENT: Admission clerk for local hospital. Registered patience. Handled patience insurance forms."
We may need a little patience of our
01/24/01: Don't criticize former boss on resume
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