The University of Scranton released a poll of people and their New Year's resolutions which found that only eight percent of Americans keep their New Year's resolutions. Our good-intentioned vows are destined to fail. Even the start of the year is commemorated by somebody dropping the ball.
• President Obama gave thirty-five Russian diplomats three days to get out of the United States when he announced sanctions. Obama didn't learn much from Trump, did he? If you want to affect the election, you have to throw foreigners out of the country before November, not after.
• President Obama slapped sanctions on Russia, accusing them of interfering with the election. It's just this administration's latest alibi. Obama would rather sign an executive order un-doing the Emancipation Proclamation than admit Donald Trump won the election fair and square.
• The Florida Times-Union reported that a Tallahassee man who was arrested by Florida police for crashing his Corvette into the side of shopping mall explained that he was merely trying to time-travel. That's absolutely crazy. If you want to travel fifty years into the future, just leave Florida.
• U.S. News and World Report published its annual end-of-the-year survey that shows the overall mood of the people in the United States. This year's poll showed that women are angrier over public events in America than men are. And if you want to make them angrier just tell them they seem angry.
• Conde Nast travel magazine predicts a banner year for the travel industry with more bargains for tourists than ever before. One company is offering you the chance to cut your hotel room cost in half if you're willing to share the hotel room with a stranger. The company is called Jose Cuervo.
• President Obama gave a valedictory interview to CNN to begin shaping its legacy. In a relaxed moment, he said he'd have beaten Trump had he been allowed to run for president again. It's like optimistically hoping that a bounced check will clear the third time that they run it through.
• President Obama said he'd have beaten Trump had the election been between the two of them. The two went toe to toe, blow by blow every day in all the swing states. The election was so much between Trump and Obama that in October Hillary had to hire a publicist to get her name in the news.
• CBS reported excellent TV ratings for its broadcast of two Dick Van Dyke Show sitcom episodes co-starring Mary Tyler Moore from over fifty years ago. Audience enjoyment produced an unprecedented anomaly on social media. Dick van Dyke is trending and he didn't die.
• Donald Trump tweeted that he intends to upgrade and expand U.S. nuclear weapons systems the same day Vladimir Putin vowed to increase Russia's nuclear arsenal. That got young people's attention. Nothing scares Millennials like two old men who are willing to die for their country.
• The World Health Organization issued a report Wednesday claiming that eating bacon greatly increases the chances of you getting cancer. Other health experts say don't let that report alarm you. Statistics also say that not eating bacon greatly increases the chances of you blowing yourself up.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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