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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Jan. 16, 2014 / 15 Shevat, 5774

Almost Here: A Translator For Dogs!

By Danny Tyree





http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I'm sure most of us have at some point wondered exactly what our canine companions are thinking when they bark. Then the vast majority of us get on with our lives.

Not so the geeks of the Swedish product development firm the Nordic Society for Invention and Discovery. They hunkered down, stretched their brains and used $10,000 of crowdfunded money to develop a rudimentary wearable device called Woof No More.

The device's EEG headset supposedly reads dogs' brainwaves; then a tiny Raspberry Pi computer, translates the thoughts into human language and a built-in speaker utters the words.

A writer for "Popular Science" magazine went to great lengths to show that such claims are "complete, utter bunk" and that - given the current state of neuroscience -- such a device is many years and millions of dollars in the future. But I'm sure that reasonable people will be able to set aside his negativity -- because the concept is just so doggone cool!!!!

The developers warn that Woof No More is a work in progress. The version shipping in April translates just four thought patterns, but they are primal sentiments universal to all dogs: "I'm hungry," "I'm tired," "Who are you?" and "Boy, I'm glad I can think deeper thoughts than Joe Biden!"



As the device grows in sophistication, we can expect to hear dogs express thoughts such as:

"Yeah, I'm afraid of thunder - but at least I'm not afraid to wash myself after they show 'Psycho' on TV!"

"Master, you say one of your co-workers is a brown-noser. I'm not sure why that's an insult..."

"You see muddy pawprints. I see me getting in on the ground floor of biometrics and avoiding identity theft."

"I assure you my interest in the ladies is on a purely intellectual level. Now, for the luvva Marmaduke, put down those surgical instruments!"

One might well ask how the Woof No More could be sold for the pittance of $600. I suspect that, following the example of costly upgrades to free software, we will soon see the "Woof No More Pro," which for an extra sum filters out your pooch's annoying split infinitives, dangling participles and utterances of "like" and "you know" and "Fetchin' hard or hardly fetchin'?"

Even if the device works, many people will be unable to make practical use of the wealth of information they receive. Just look at our track record with human relations. ("I wonder what it means when a woman says, 'No!!'? If only the Swedes would develop some device to cut through the confusion - without electrical interference with my natural irresistibility, of course.")

Some observers say we would be better served by a device that interprets human speech for dogs. I'm sure countless dogs are waiting to hear a human answer the question "You gave a PUPPY to kids with the attention span of a concussion-addled goldfish. What were you THINKING, kibble-for-brains???"

Whether or not the technology is applied to humans, if Woof No More is a hit, we'll inevitably see versions for other species. I can't wait to try out Meow No More. ("This meow means I'm hungry. This meow means I'm going out...in...out...This meow means I'm hatching a Machiavellian world domination plan that could be unraveled only if ...ZZZZZZZZ")

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

Controversial author Harlan Ellison once described the work of Mr. Tyree as "wonkily extrapolative" and said his mind "works like a demented cuckoo clock." Tyree generated a particular buzz on the Internet with his column spoofing real-life Christian nudist camps. A lifelong small-town southerner, he graduated from Middle Tennessee State University in 1982 with a bachelor's degree in Mass Communications.



Previously:


Will Eggs Become Obsolete?

Doctor Who: A Fiftieth Anniversary Primer

The Martians Were Coming, The Martians Were Coming

Are Pigs Smarter Than Dogs? And Should We Care?

America, Let's Be #1 At Corruption

Free College Tuition? Read The Fine Print

Independence Day: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Typos

Let's Have More Wrist Slap Punishments

Father's Day: Can It Survive?

© 2013, Danny Tyree

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