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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Children need courage, not self-confidence

By John Rosemond




Beware of too much self-esteem

JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) Whenever I talk on the subject of self-esteem, how the research strongly suggests that people with high regard for themselves have correspondingly low regard for others and that high self-esteem is highly associated with antisocial behavior like bullying, people become understandably perplexed. After all, the notion that a state of high self-esteem is desirable has become as "American" as mom and apple pie.

The inevitable question: "But John, I want my child to possess self-confidence." Ah, but the research finds that high self-esteem is associated with fear of failure. The child who has been praised indiscriminately by parents and teachers — which has been the unfortunate lot of many kids over the past 40 or so years — may tend to shy away from an unfamiliar challenge. On the other hand, he may overestimate his abilities and often end up failing, which is why the research also finds that people with high self-esteem are especially prone to depression. In other words, depression is not necessarily the consequence of having too little self-esteem, but rather having too much.


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Teachers were told that constant praise would elevate academic performance, but social scientists have found that people with high self-esteem consistently underperform. They believe anything they do is worthy of merit; therefore, they tend not to put forth their best efforts. It is worth mentioning that as praise in schools has gone up, test scores have gone down.

And so, and once again, we discover that there is nothing new under the sun. The traditional ideal of humility and modesty appears to be the most functional state of self-regard. That should humble folks who believe that new ideas are better than old ones (but it won't).

History is replete with humble and modest people who accomplished great things. George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are two outstanding examples. Their accomplishments were not the result of thinking highly of themselves, but of dedication to causes much larger than themselves.

Besides, I will propose that courage, not self-confidence, is what parents should be attempting to help their children develop. The research strongly suggests that self-confident people either are (a) hesitant to take on challenges unless they believe they are going to succeed, and (b) so sure of succeeding that they foolishly expose themselves and others to high risk situations. By all accounts, George Armstrong Custer possessed very high self-esteem.

Courage, on the other hand, is the willingness to take on a task even if one knows he or she may not succeed. It is the willingness to fight the good fight even when the odds are stacked against you. These are people who make great sacrifices for noble causes. Think Martin Luther King.

America needs more Martins. Unfortunately, we appear to be raising lots of Custers.

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John Rosemond is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known expert on parenting issues


Previously:


Respond like mates --- not like parents
Feelings need to be under intellectual control
Parents, stop destroying the American male
Don't confuse fulfilling a child's 'needs'with being an overprotective parent
Parents without borders
Today's parents frustrated with lack of instant gratification
Parenting resolution revolution
Ignore your kids
Success stories of parents setting boundaries
Parenting 101 in session (Conclusion)
Parenting 101 in session, Part I
'Gifted' children, who aren't
Get away from 'psychological thinking'
What do today's children seriously lack that children in the 1950s and before enjoyed in abundance?
'Fixing' Son's Shyness
Mothers who fall short --- by design
To tell a child 'You can be anything you want to be' is irresponsible
Family 'democracy' can turn to tyranny
'Because I said so' signals strong parental leadership
It's time for parents to get their heads out of the '60s





© 2013, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.). Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

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