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Jewish World Review Jan. 10, 2013/ 29 Teves, 5773 Cussing has become lazy By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) As I sat in a packed movie theater watching "Lincoln" on the cold and rainy day-after-Christmas, I was struck by one thing: As a nation, we have seriously forgotten how to cuss somebody out with class. That goes double for politicians. It never occurred to me that people, when confounded by those of polar-opposite political views, wouldn't just fire off a hotheaded string of F bombs and "no-you-did-unt's" as we do today. No, no. A tongue-lashing in Lincoln's day was a thing of beauty. Consider radical Republican Congressman Thaddeus Stevens, fighting hard as he could to abolish slavery and completely peeved with the opposition. Did he mealy-mouth like John Boehner or Harry Reid? No and no. He fixed a rheumy eye on an unfortunate opponent in the House of Representatives and pondered playfully: "How can I hold that all men are created equal when there before me stands stinking the moral carcass of the gentleman from Ohio?" Did somebody in the gallery say "Swerve"? And he wasn't done then. No limp, tired C-span snorefest for the likes of Thaddeus Stevens. Without even raising his voice, he labeled his opponents in the House as "endowed by their maker with dim wit impermeable to reason and with cold pallid slime in their veins instead of red, hot blood." Poo just got real. We have no IDEA how to cut somebody down like that these days because we have watched "Jersey Shore." Can you imagine mama Snooki asking The Situation to kindly "conclude your interminable gabble"? When the "real" housewives have their vapid squabbles, how refreshing would it be for one of them to say, as did my new dead-guy crush, Thaddeus Stevens, "Some of us breathe oxygen and we find the mephitic fumes of your oratory a lethal challenge to our pulmonary capabilities"? That just happened. But first, mephitic? When's the last time you used that in a sentence? It wasn't just the cussing, of course, that was so admirable. It was the gentle greetings among the citizenry. None of this "Sup?" stuff. If you asked Mary Todd Lincoln "Sup?" she'd give you a withering glance that would send you scurrying back to your mommie. Even the casual exclamation of dismay was a delight to the senses. Consider Abraham Lincoln's reaction to a differing opinion: "Buzzard's guts, man." Yeah. Buzzard's guts. Two words: Awe. Some. I am ashamed of how our national dialogue has devolved. So unimaginative and repetitive. We can do so much better and, if "Lincoln" is accurate (which, of course, it is because Spielberg is super accurate and prolly directed the whole thing wearing woolen underwear), we HAVE done so much better. We must start loving language again! If we don't, we risk becoming that most odious of creatures described thusly by my beloved Thaddeus: "more reptile than man, so low and flat that the foot of man is incapable of crushing you." Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Celia Rivenbark is the New York Times bestselling author of 'You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl'. Resolving to break the following resolutions Living the Pottery Barn life . . . in her mind Banking on celebrity fame, shame . . . and cover-worthiness When your email provider belies your, ahem, age Bringing Anarchy home Betting on a celebrity calamity Undergarments on parade All the news that's fit . . . for the toilet Nutty? Or just too much Nutella? Have a seat . . . if you dare Motherhood, Hollywood style Parents, kids don't want you at games Parents, kids don't want you at games It was fine . . . until they called it 'pink slime' She'll miss Walmart's 'aggressive hospitality' Pageant mom wastes dollars, lacks sense When counter intuitiveness fails Dear older folks: Think before you ink They let their thumbs do the walking . . . to the wrong phone Congressional plans lacking horse sense She's Forever Lazy, so butt out It was famous while it lasted: Celebrities as marital guest stars It's all about the ‘Sass-poles’ Mothers and daughters and books, oh my Her Klout starts with a ‘k’ She's naming names . . . Smurf style Copying her daughter? That's so Lohan! A few swift kicks in the seat Buy my %*&^ing book! Shellacked in a foreign language College degree can be had in 3 days She'll take names, and then call them losers I beg of you, spare the ‘Children’ Release the hoards Brace yourself for a luxurious smile, and a big bill Speaking her mind by pushing his buttons She'll have another shot of mugs Polygamy may only get one season A picture is worth $1,000 for retouching Not cancer, still a big fat pain A text is worth 1,000 words Ready for some laughs again Now men don't have to work out either Hormones rule home of Princess and mom Add some oohing, cooing to your kitchen Tweeting puppy a perfect pet … for twerps Science fair spurs on hyper parents Cat naps aren't all that popular among felines Nightmare in the mall's dead zone America: Cut out the need to be cute Taking a page from a ‘Mad’ mother She's adding truth serum to her Cap'n Crunch Snuggie ensnares another victim, er, admirer Florida can keep its snakes She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? Butter buds: Julia and Celia Facebook is for ‘old’ people, too, missy Ch-ch-ch-changes Getting refreshment not berry smooth in age of mass marketing Reality show lowers her IQ to sub-dirt levels Cuddle parties are the latest weird trend Middle school is a whole new game and these players are vicious If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I? Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends Big family, big ratings, big mess Fred Mertz for vice president Women and tools are like grease, water Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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